Isn't it wonderful to fall in love, guys?? Whether to your husband or wife, friends, family, God, nature, it really doesn't matter... It's just a wonderful feeling--love.
But what if that thing that is supposed to make you happy, brings you nothing but emptiness and loneliness... What if it's just pain, never love... What if you're tired of loving already because you're just being hurt everytime you love??
Guys, what's the point of loving when it's just hurting and nothing more?
They say, when you love you have to be ready to risk all... But what if you've already risked all but the person could never love you in return. And that hurts you every single day... And you had no choice but to let go because there's no use if you will still fight?
Isn't it unfair? Why do the people who love suffer the most? Is it because of fate, of destiny, because it has to be that way? Why do people have to do sacrifices and risks yet receive nothing in return? Yes, I know that when you love, you should not expect something in return. But what if you never had anything in return? What if everytime you love, it just leaves you empty?
What is love, really? Does true love really exists? Does it? When all it brings you are pain, tears, and a broken heart???
Since no one else answered... I'll take a shot, from a woman's point of view.
'Love', the kind that you describe as leaving you feeling 'lonely and empty', is hormonal... and related to physical desire or lust.
You love and would willingly sacrifice for many people in your life, and never desire intimacy with them unless there are serious psychological issues. Does loving your parents, children, friends, pet ever leave you feeling 'lonely and empty'? I doubt it.
You are young, your hormones are raging and you simply want to express them. The good news is, this lust tends to go away in a few years... 2 or 3. If there was more to it than the physical, then that need will be replaced by love and respect... of the normal kind (parents kids pets friends). The physical part is a fringe benefit.
If it was only lust, after the physical part becomes boring, there's nothing left so you move on. Feeling empty and lonely is at times a part of everyone's life. "Sacrificing all' should not be a part of a real relationship.... if someone wants this of you, offering nothing in return... I wouldn't be willing to sacrifice anything at all. You won't fall in a pit, so you won't need to dig out of it.
Here's a pratical suggestion. Try envisioning the person you 'love' as he will look 50 years from now. Try imagining yourself with him 50 years from now. Try imagining him as the father of your children. Take a good look at his father and how he treats his mother. Could you sleep with him the way he looks then? Would you mind if he gained 100 lbs? Would his face still be beautiful to you covered in pimples, wrinkles, fat or bald? Would you care for him if he became quadrapelegic and couldn't walk let alone perform? If you can look at him, and still feel the same way if he were very very different negatively... it may be love. If not, it's only infatuation... you don't like who he IS.
If you can feel comfortable with that image, and can still love him... then it won't be so hard to fall.
Consider that while people can change, it's very rare, and takes a long time. If he treats your badly now, what are his long term prospects with you? To get him out of your mind, imagine a fat bald him 50 years from now, and you have children with him, treating you and your kids the way he does now. You'll get over the 'loneliness and emptiness' pretty quick.
And finally... everyone is different. In the mall of life, spending all your money at one store may leave you broke for the real deal at the next store. When you realize that, you can wait for the man who will still be worth it 50 years from now, and not take the clearance sale item that looks good, but which you hate after you get it home.
BTW, WHO says when you love you have to 'risk all'? Sounds like a pickup line to me. I lived with my husband for 7 YEARS before I agreed to marry him and have children. If he loved me, he'd wait, and he did. I have no regrets, my kids have a great dad, he makes money, we're happy and we have a good life. I ADORE my inlaws... every single one of them.
I can't imagine my life now if I had married some of the obsessive losers I dated when I was younger because they were 'hot' and the drool of my friends. Making your friends jealous is not a reason to date a loser with no future or one who mistreats you in ANY way. If he can't wait til you are ready for whatever 'sacrifice' you feel like you need to make for him, he's not worth it. Period.
I DO understand how you feel, I think everyone, male or female goes thru it sometime. I remember being completely, utterly, painfully head over heels in love with a complete loser at 16. You don't have to make the decision to dump him, that's one less pain for you, now imagine the fat ugly him and you'll feel much better sooner.
'Love', the kind that you describe as leaving you feeling 'lonely and empty', is hormonal... and related to physical desire or lust.
You love and would willingly sacrifice for many people in your life, and never desire intimacy with them unless there are serious psychological issues. Does loving your parents, children, friends, pet ever leave you feeling 'lonely and empty'? I doubt it.
You are young, your hormones are raging and you simply want to express them. The good news is, this lust tends to go away in a few years... 2 or 3. If there was more to it than the physical, then that need will be replaced by love and respect... of the normal kind (parents kids pets friends). The physical part is a fringe benefit.
If it was only lust, after the physical part becomes boring, there's nothing left so you move on. Feeling empty and lonely is at times a part of everyone's life. "Sacrificing all' should not be a part of a real relationship.... if someone wants this of you, offering nothing in return... I wouldn't be willing to sacrifice anything at all. You won't fall in a pit, so you won't need to dig out of it.
Here's a pratical suggestion. Try envisioning the person you 'love' as he will look 50 years from now. Try imagining yourself with him 50 years from now. Try imagining him as the father of your children. Take a good look at his father and how he treats his mother. Could you sleep with him the way he looks then? Would you mind if he gained 100 lbs? Would his face still be beautiful to you covered in pimples, wrinkles, fat or bald? Would you care for him if he became quadrapelegic and couldn't walk let alone perform? If you can look at him, and still feel the same way if he were very very different negatively... it may be love. If not, it's only infatuation... you don't like who he IS.
If you can feel comfortable with that image, and can still love him... then it won't be so hard to fall.
Consider that while people can change, it's very rare, and takes a long time. If he treats your badly now, what are his long term prospects with you? To get him out of your mind, imagine a fat bald him 50 years from now, and you have children with him, treating you and your kids the way he does now. You'll get over the 'loneliness and emptiness' pretty quick.
And finally... everyone is different. In the mall of life, spending all your money at one store may leave you broke for the real deal at the next store. When you realize that, you can wait for the man who will still be worth it 50 years from now, and not take the clearance sale item that looks good, but which you hate after you get it home.
BTW, WHO says when you love you have to 'risk all'? Sounds like a pickup line to me. I lived with my husband for 7 YEARS before I agreed to marry him and have children. If he loved me, he'd wait, and he did. I have no regrets, my kids have a great dad, he makes money, we're happy and we have a good life. I ADORE my inlaws... every single one of them.
I can't imagine my life now if I had married some of the obsessive losers I dated when I was younger because they were 'hot' and the drool of my friends. Making your friends jealous is not a reason to date a loser with no future or one who mistreats you in ANY way. If he can't wait til you are ready for whatever 'sacrifice' you feel like you need to make for him, he's not worth it. Period.
I DO understand how you feel, I think everyone, male or female goes thru it sometime. I remember being completely, utterly, painfully head over heels in love with a complete loser at 16. You don't have to make the decision to dump him, that's one less pain for you, now imagine the fat ugly him and you'll feel much better sooner.
You know, Curious, I think she's talking about not having him. Really, this is a privet matter and this topic should stick to what love is.
I agree with you. In high school there were a lot of guys who were popular but when college comes around they are losers. Why? Because they always were losers. They did drugs. Sure, at the time it was cool, but that was before the long term affect came in. They become sluggish, disoriented, crappy looking. The only reason doing drugs is cool is because doing drugs is cool. If everyone decided it isn't cool people would see it for what it really is. I'm not saying anyone here thinks doing drugs is cool.
If the love is true, then the happiness is true and it is not miserable.
I agree with Josh, had to happen eventually.
Trust is essential too.
Here's a pratical suggestion. Try envisioning the person you 'love' as s/he will look 50 years from now.
I'm not too keen on this advice .. you most likely don't want to live with someone who is 50 when you are 15.. but when you get to 50 it still seems like just a few weeks since you left school.
-C2.
I agree with you. In high school there were a lot of guys who were popular but when college comes around they are losers. Why? Because they always were losers. They did drugs. Sure, at the time it was cool, but that was before the long term affect came in. They become sluggish, disoriented, crappy looking. The only reason doing drugs is cool is because doing drugs is cool. If everyone decided it isn't cool people would see it for what it really is. I'm not saying anyone here thinks doing drugs is cool.
QUOTE (howtothinklikegod+)
But what if that thing that is supposed to make you happy, brings you nothing but emptiness and loneliness...
Do something about it. If--like Curious said--this person is in a bad relationship, get out. The love is not real. Otherwise it wouldn't be miserable. If the person in question is in love with someone who has no interest in him/her, move on. There are plenty of fish in the sea. And many of them want to be caught in your net.
If the love is true, then the happiness is true and it is not miserable.
Do something about it. If--like Curious said--this person is in a bad relationship, get out. The love is not real. Otherwise it wouldn't be miserable. If the person in question is in love with someone who has no interest in him/her, move on. There are plenty of fish in the sea. And many of them want to be caught in your net.
If the love is true, then the happiness is true and it is not miserable.
I admit occasionally wishing I could go back and experience some of the head over heels emotions I had when I was younger, but in the long run I think for long term relationships, the most important thing is similar to curious1's comments, a matter of it being a lot like a good friendship.
When you're with a friend, you do things together because each of you feel a benefit. Emotions and physical beauty fade over time, but finding someone you simply get along with ok and trust is 90% of it. If they feel the same, then the emotions are just a side benefit, though I tend to think long term relationships sort of smooth out the emotional ups and downs, so you don't have as many highs but you don't have the 'crash and burn' moments either (and yes those can suck
).
With my wife, I think she's had more of an emotional attachment to me over time, than the the other way around, but for me she's beautiful in that she really does love me a lot and I can trust her and not worry about our relationship. She was attractive but not overly so when I met her. I remember her teeth didn't align quite right and it used to be something that I noticed within seconds of seeing her, but now though I know it's still there, I can't see it anymore. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I never could stay in a relationship for much longer than a few months prior to her, but I married her after ~4 months and we've been together 15 years with 5 children now. (She wanted to have children and so did I so that was a big plus
).
Anyway, though the strong emotions can be fun at times, it's really just friendship and some trust that's most important in the end. I think it may be a bit harder today than in the past to find a lasting relationship, but I think these do tend to come when you aren't really expecting them and it's just a matter of being open to the chances of having them last that makes it possible.
Anyway, I'm certain you aren't alone in feeling those emotions but they do fade and make way for other things in the end. (The worst I had was a period of ~ 9 months trying to get over one girl ... even 20 years later I still reminesce on occassion ... such is life, though now that the sharper pain is gone I don't regret any of it and it's an experience that will stay with me likely until the day I die)
When you're with a friend, you do things together because each of you feel a benefit. Emotions and physical beauty fade over time, but finding someone you simply get along with ok and trust is 90% of it. If they feel the same, then the emotions are just a side benefit, though I tend to think long term relationships sort of smooth out the emotional ups and downs, so you don't have as many highs but you don't have the 'crash and burn' moments either (and yes those can suck
).With my wife, I think she's had more of an emotional attachment to me over time, than the the other way around, but for me she's beautiful in that she really does love me a lot and I can trust her and not worry about our relationship. She was attractive but not overly so when I met her. I remember her teeth didn't align quite right and it used to be something that I noticed within seconds of seeing her, but now though I know it's still there, I can't see it anymore. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I never could stay in a relationship for much longer than a few months prior to her, but I married her after ~4 months and we've been together 15 years with 5 children now. (She wanted to have children and so did I so that was a big plus
).Anyway, though the strong emotions can be fun at times, it's really just friendship and some trust that's most important in the end. I think it may be a bit harder today than in the past to find a lasting relationship, but I think these do tend to come when you aren't really expecting them and it's just a matter of being open to the chances of having them last that makes it possible.
Anyway, I'm certain you aren't alone in feeling those emotions but they do fade and make way for other things in the end. (The worst I had was a period of ~ 9 months trying to get over one girl ... even 20 years later I still reminesce on occassion ... such is life, though now that the sharper pain is gone I don't regret any of it and it's an experience that will stay with me likely until the day I die)
QUOTE (Joshua+)
If the love is true, then the happiness is true and it is not miserable.
I agree with Josh, had to happen eventually.
Trust is essential too.
QUOTE (curious1+)
Here's a pratical suggestion. Try envisioning the person you 'love' as s/he will look 50 years from now.
I'm not too keen on this advice .. you most likely don't want to live with someone who is 50 when you are 15.. but when you get to 50 it still seems like just a few weeks since you left school.
-C2.
Hi httlg. Nice to be able to post to you again.
More than anything at this stage in your life, don't let a bad experience resonate in you too long. You will strengthen it then and allow it to play it's part in 'fixing your future'.
One single person should never be allowed by you - especially at your age! - to infect and dictate your life to come. No one, no one, should be given that power by you. Be jealous of that power and keep it yours. You've shown your solidness here already. Courage is a muscle that is exercised and strengthened by using it.
If someone that you're infatuated with tells you in any way that you are less than you know you already are, because YOU have known you much longer and more intimately than HE has known you, you are infatuated with someone that isn't there, only an empty effigy of what you hope for.
Be very very patient and vigilant as C1 says. Rushing is good for getting away from fires or angry bees, not for getting into relationships. Have fun dating! Keep it light!
peace, jb
More than anything at this stage in your life, don't let a bad experience resonate in you too long. You will strengthen it then and allow it to play it's part in 'fixing your future'.
One single person should never be allowed by you - especially at your age! - to infect and dictate your life to come. No one, no one, should be given that power by you. Be jealous of that power and keep it yours. You've shown your solidness here already. Courage is a muscle that is exercised and strengthened by using it.
If someone that you're infatuated with tells you in any way that you are less than you know you already are, because YOU have known you much longer and more intimately than HE has known you, you are infatuated with someone that isn't there, only an empty effigy of what you hope for.
Be very very patient and vigilant as C1 says. Rushing is good for getting away from fires or angry bees, not for getting into relationships. Have fun dating! Keep it light!
peace, jb
I happen to agree with StevenA, with a slight addition. I think the most important thing in any long lasting relationship is having senses of humor that go together. Neither person has to be a comedian, just that you can make eachother laugh. I am in no way a comedian, and neither is my girlfriend (we do have the occasionaly witty comment), but we can make eachother laugh until our stomachs hurt. Its fantastic!
Another important thing is being able to be yourself. I know Josh thought this was gross before, but something like being able to fart and burp around your partner is important. And in a marriage you live together.......eventually the real person comes out, but its good to get that out, and decided if you still go together before any marriage. Romance fades, so does sex, but the genuine people don't fade, and thats whats the most important. And who could really be happy putting on an act of always being romantic, or always being super passionate. All of those acts have to be dropped before you can feel comfortable. And romantic gestures will mean a lot more if they are not an everyday occurance.
Drugs will always be seen as 'cool' by some, and ALWAYS will be experimented with. Most, if not all cultures over the years have traditions with mind altering drugs. In the past many 'trips' as they would be called today were considered religious experiences. I am not, nor have I ever been a drug user, but I think North America takes a to up tight attitude with experimentation. Its made into such a taboo that some people are drawn to it, just to disobey. I think that many people who in highschool thought drug use was cool in college move past that phase. Also, drugs consume some people's lives, and not others. I know many people who smoke pot everyday and you would never know. People who are quite intelligent in some of the more difficult areas in science. Hell, Richard Feynman, my favorite physicist was a pot head!
Another important thing is being able to be yourself. I know Josh thought this was gross before, but something like being able to fart and burp around your partner is important. And in a marriage you live together.......eventually the real person comes out, but its good to get that out, and decided if you still go together before any marriage. Romance fades, so does sex, but the genuine people don't fade, and thats whats the most important. And who could really be happy putting on an act of always being romantic, or always being super passionate. All of those acts have to be dropped before you can feel comfortable. And romantic gestures will mean a lot more if they are not an everyday occurance.
QUOTE
I agree with you. In high school there were a lot of guys who were popular but when college comes around they are losers. Why? Because they always were losers. They did drugs. Sure, at the time it was cool, but that was before the long term affect came in. They become sluggish, disoriented, crappy looking. The only reason doing drugs is cool is because doing drugs is cool. If everyone decided it isn't cool people would see it for what it really is. I'm not saying anyone here thinks doing drugs is cool.
Drugs will always be seen as 'cool' by some, and ALWAYS will be experimented with. Most, if not all cultures over the years have traditions with mind altering drugs. In the past many 'trips' as they would be called today were considered religious experiences. I am not, nor have I ever been a drug user, but I think North America takes a to up tight attitude with experimentation. Its made into such a taboo that some people are drawn to it, just to disobey. I think that many people who in highschool thought drug use was cool in college move past that phase. Also, drugs consume some people's lives, and not others. I know many people who smoke pot everyday and you would never know. People who are quite intelligent in some of the more difficult areas in science. Hell, Richard Feynman, my favorite physicist was a pot head!
Hi Httlg,
I agree with much and disagree here.
Anyway, since its come to my attention, I'd like to add...
intellectually stimulating and having a balance in traits is what is required in love, BUT obviously suited to a persons liking (which differs much).
If that "emptiness" and "unsatisfied" want is felt, then it just cannot be love, nor going right.
Love is not "like", when in terms of partner, theres a major difference.
Its much more.
BUT until one attains it, you kinda NEVER know.
So you acquire many pseudo-loves in the way, each time your WANT of real love making one weak to believe what you have is love.
It may actually be repulsion seen objectively.
But as Steveo said, to love one NATURALLY and INNATELY will make each other feel nice, comfortable and happy- whatever the method used, and certainly giggling/laughing works wonders...for attraction and bond stability, which is NATURAL and hard to consciously control.
For them (both) to ACCEPT who you are OPENLY, and freely and have no worries to exposition of personal/intimate errors and those minute (or major) wrongs of you, is important, ESPECIALLY for a woman, i.e. she always wants to look and ONLY be seen and complemented as beautiful for her man...though no one is perfect, so perfectionism needs to be educated, with goals/aims to achieve realistic.
And rightly so, all in all, theres not much bigger than complete and utter TRUST and FAITH in a partner.
One should ALWAYS be optimistic. When younger and even when older, one can always seem to think today will NEVER transpire, but come a few hours, it does, and you simply do NOT see or feel the way (normally pessimistic) you did about EVERYTHING that you did prior.
Thats emotion for ya, and women are more fragile with intimate and personal emotion than many men, altho this seems like changing, they have different ways of routing their emotions. Overwhelming emotion obscures objectiveness and the reality. Unless one considers this also, in a level headed fashion.
I reckon thats what makes them appealing...having something who deals and reacts opposite to yourself with emotion, than a man.
You should never make yourself, "a rag on the line", or "hung out to dry", weak and vulnerable to being hurt, thus loving/trusting those that are undeserving of it repetitively. They ONLY hurt you, selfishly, ignorantly or sometimes intentionally, which is mentally destructive and aches.
One should be very careful to who they choose here, to trust and love, and for that NOT physical appearance or fame/respect of others, but your OWN loves and what you respect/like in a person, in qualities/traits/characteristics should count paramount.
Which is tantamount to love, happiness, a future and success.
Love breaks the barrier of the unseeable mystery...the mellow beautiful heart.
An it makes you fly
Not too high I hope
I'd say its the bonding of the hearts and feelings, where human LAWS become desolated, for one another. All seems more and more, incredulous.
BUT its not!
Love paralysis the flight-fight mechanism, dissolves all selfish/defensive laws, and immediate prioritized need/want/care/worry/concern about nothing much away from the partner
It just becomes too good to be true...... a fairy tale, the "prince charming" for women
I'm not any decent at philosophy tho, its subjective.
Its the building blocks, where the weaknesses can lie.
These "have" to be firm and well grounded for an adequate chance.
People are not love, love is in people.
You have to find the "right one", to parrot the cliche.
SO anomalies/failures cannot be a measure of the competence and experience of love.
Love certainly exists, on this planet.
An individual can EXHIBIT true love.
Good and bad exist in everything.
If its something personal, I wish you well, and stay mellow.
Only my honest opinions
I agree with much and disagree here.
Anyway, since its come to my attention, I'd like to add...
intellectually stimulating and having a balance in traits is what is required in love, BUT obviously suited to a persons liking (which differs much).
If that "emptiness" and "unsatisfied" want is felt, then it just cannot be love, nor going right.
Love is not "like", when in terms of partner, theres a major difference.
Its much more.
BUT until one attains it, you kinda NEVER know.
So you acquire many pseudo-loves in the way, each time your WANT of real love making one weak to believe what you have is love.
It may actually be repulsion seen objectively.
But as Steveo said, to love one NATURALLY and INNATELY will make each other feel nice, comfortable and happy- whatever the method used, and certainly giggling/laughing works wonders...for attraction and bond stability, which is NATURAL and hard to consciously control.
For them (both) to ACCEPT who you are OPENLY, and freely and have no worries to exposition of personal/intimate errors and those minute (or major) wrongs of you, is important, ESPECIALLY for a woman, i.e. she always wants to look and ONLY be seen and complemented as beautiful for her man...though no one is perfect, so perfectionism needs to be educated, with goals/aims to achieve realistic.
And rightly so, all in all, theres not much bigger than complete and utter TRUST and FAITH in a partner.
One should ALWAYS be optimistic. When younger and even when older, one can always seem to think today will NEVER transpire, but come a few hours, it does, and you simply do NOT see or feel the way (normally pessimistic) you did about EVERYTHING that you did prior.
Thats emotion for ya, and women are more fragile with intimate and personal emotion than many men, altho this seems like changing, they have different ways of routing their emotions. Overwhelming emotion obscures objectiveness and the reality. Unless one considers this also, in a level headed fashion.
I reckon thats what makes them appealing...having something who deals and reacts opposite to yourself with emotion, than a man.
You should never make yourself, "a rag on the line", or "hung out to dry", weak and vulnerable to being hurt, thus loving/trusting those that are undeserving of it repetitively. They ONLY hurt you, selfishly, ignorantly or sometimes intentionally, which is mentally destructive and aches.
One should be very careful to who they choose here, to trust and love, and for that NOT physical appearance or fame/respect of others, but your OWN loves and what you respect/like in a person, in qualities/traits/characteristics should count paramount.
Which is tantamount to love, happiness, a future and success.
Love breaks the barrier of the unseeable mystery...the mellow beautiful heart.
An it makes you fly
Not too high I hope
I'd say its the bonding of the hearts and feelings, where human LAWS become desolated, for one another. All seems more and more, incredulous.
BUT its not!
Love paralysis the flight-fight mechanism, dissolves all selfish/defensive laws, and immediate prioritized need/want/care/worry/concern about nothing much away from the partner
It just becomes too good to be true...... a fairy tale, the "prince charming" for women
I'm not any decent at philosophy tho, its subjective.
Its the building blocks, where the weaknesses can lie.
These "have" to be firm and well grounded for an adequate chance.
People are not love, love is in people.
You have to find the "right one", to parrot the cliche.
SO anomalies/failures cannot be a measure of the competence and experience of love.
Love certainly exists, on this planet.
An individual can EXHIBIT true love.
Good and bad exist in everything.
If its something personal, I wish you well, and stay mellow.
Only my honest opinions
I'll reply to this thread later this afternoon....
Promise...
You're ll great, guys...
Thanks!!!!
I just love my physorg family...
Promise...
You're ll great, guys...
Thanks!!!!
I just love my physorg family...
The first fifty years are probably the most difficult. (At least I hope that's right 
)
-C2 .
)-C2
.
I don't know what part of the world she's on but...I think it's safe to say it's tomorrow.
QUOTE (StevenA+)
When you're with a friend, you do things together because each of you feel a benefit. Emotions and physical beauty fade over time, but finding someone you simply get along with ok and trust is 90% of it. If they feel the same, then the emotions are just a side benefit, though I tend to think long term relationships sort of smooth out the emotional ups and downs, so you don't have as many highs but you don't have the 'crash and burn' moments either (and yes those can suck ).
You forgot one thing: if you're friends with a girl, either she's secretly in love with you or you will never get beyond the "friends" stage. Unless, of course, you're slick and get her crazy about you. Otherwise, any move on your part will repulse her. It will destroy your friendship and leave you lonely and feeling stupid. Nope. Never tried it. Never going to, either (hopefully).
You have to be careful if you want a girl as "more than friends".
).You forgot one thing: if you're friends with a girl, either she's secretly in love with you or you will never get beyond the "friends" stage. Unless, of course, you're slick and get her crazy about you. Otherwise, any move on your part will repulse her. It will destroy your friendship and leave you lonely and feeling stupid. Nope. Never tried it. Never going to, either (hopefully).
You have to be careful if you want a girl as "more than friends".
QUOTE (same+)
Anyway, I'm certain you aren't alone in feeling those emotions but they do fade and make way for other things in the end. (The worst I had was a period of ~ 9 months trying to get over one girl ... even 20 years later I still reminesce on occassion ... such is life, though now that the sharper pain is gone I don't regret any of it and it's an experience that will stay with me likely until the day I die)
Never had a problem quite that bad. Although, if I ever do, the only way I'd be able to get over her that quickly would include large quantities of alcohol.
Never had a problem quite that bad. Although, if I ever do, the only way I'd be able to get over her that quickly would include large quantities of alcohol.
QUOTE (Confused2+)
I'm not too keen on this advice .. you most likely don't want to live with someone who is 50 when you are 15.
It's been a while, she might be 16.
It's been a while, she might be 16.QUOTE (soundhertz+)
Be very very patient and vigilant as C1 says. Rushing is good for getting away from fires or angry bees, not for getting into relationships. Have fun dating! Keep it light!
That's what I said: five years minimum in a relationship before getting married. I was laughed at.
Well, I took into account that she was 15 and wanted to get over her feelings of pain and loss. At 15, I thought 30 year olds were O L D. Yet at the same time, even if I wasn't physically attracted to anyone that old to my perception, I could recognize traits in older men that I appreciated... with awareness that 'someday' I'd like a husband like that.
That's what I meant... looking for traits in someone physically attractive to her that also were ones she could respect, for the long run.
Well, I'm not 50 yet, but I agree that it seems only a few weeks since I left school. I remember Elementary school even, and the interesting thing is, I remember it with the same eyes (well, not quite the same 'eyes' since everything then was a lot bigger, and I remember that too).
I also remember very well that at 15, physical attractiveness overrode great personality, sense of humor, kindness, generosity, even intelligence. In High School, most girls, like boys, tend to be hormone and appearance driven. You drool over the next Brad Pitt, not the next Bill Gates. When you're older, the looks become secondary to other traits, but it's a rare young girl that looks for those other traits first.
Before I married my husband, I took a hard look at his father. While they aren't the same person, my in laws were already married for 40 years at that point, he helped with cooking and dishes, and was a gentle wonderful man whom his wife adored. If my husband was only 1/2 the man his father was at that age, I'd be satisfied with what I got. And I am. This isn't always such an obvious decision when we of either Generation X or Baby Boomers all have had the familiarity with the drug culture, instant gratification and societal changes.
Pain and angst is always a part of growing up... it's how you know you're alive. Great love, great appreciation for beauty, great capacity for self sacrifice are the flip side of the coin for the low points.
So despite it all, few of us are willing to give up the occasional emptiness and loneliness to lose out on the ability to love desperately, if only once. But there's no reason to prolong pain, when there's someone else out there who can make you deliriously happy again. The sooner you can get over the bad experience, the sooner you'll be open to new possibilities again. Thus my suggestion:P.
And everyone had such great insight, what a wonderful group:).
I used to feel the same way...when I was in highschool. Friendships are a lot more superficial then. But in a real relationship, the romance, the hot passion etc... fade (they do resurface occasionally....but its not the 'can't keep my hands off' kind of passion), and what your left with is someone you spend a lot of time with. Its tough to spend time with someone you aren't friends with. And sometimes, your friends with someone, and without knowing the relationship shifts. Thats what happened with me and my girlfriend.
I used to feel the same way...when I was in highschool. Friendships are a lot more superficial then. But in a real relationship, the romance, the hot passion etc... fade (they do resurface occasionally....but its not the 'can't keep my hands off' kind of passion), and what your left with is someone you spend a lot of time with. Its tough to spend time with someone you aren't friends with. And sometimes, your friends with someone, and without knowing the relationship shifts. Thats what happened with me and my girlfriend.
That's what I said: five years minimum in a relationship before getting married. I was laughed at.
Love isn't, and doesn't have to be so calculated. Being together for a long time is a smart move. But 5 years isn't going to be long enough for some, and for others might make the girl resentful at not being proposed to. She might think her feelings aren't for you aren't the same ones you have for him. What I am saying is each situation is going to be unique, and a broad time stamp won't be right for every individual situation. However, not rushing into things is a very good idea.
I remember also saying you'll never find a girl better fit for you. Why haven't you married her yet? Financial lackings? I'll buy that.
Because we haven't been together long enough. 2 1/2 years at this young age I do not consider to be long enough. Also, as a student I live with my parents still, and have 8 months a year with no income. Pretty hard to get married under those circumstances.
That's what I said: five years minimum in a relationship before getting married. I was laughed at.
QUOTE (Steveo+)
Another important thing is being able to be yourself. I know Josh thought this was gross before, but something like being able to fart and burp around your partner is important.
I remember also saying you'll never find a girl better fit for you. Why haven't you married her yet? Financial lackings? I'll buy that.
I remember also saying you'll never find a girl better fit for you. Why haven't you married her yet? Financial lackings? I'll buy that.
QUOTE
I'm not too keen on this advice .. you most likely don't want to live with someone who is 50 when you are 15.. but when you get to 50 it still seems like just a few weeks since you left school.
Well, I took into account that she was 15 and wanted to get over her feelings of pain and loss. At 15, I thought 30 year olds were O L D. Yet at the same time, even if I wasn't physically attracted to anyone that old to my perception, I could recognize traits in older men that I appreciated... with awareness that 'someday' I'd like a husband like that.
That's what I meant... looking for traits in someone physically attractive to her that also were ones she could respect, for the long run.
Well, I'm not 50 yet, but I agree that it seems only a few weeks since I left school. I remember Elementary school even, and the interesting thing is, I remember it with the same eyes (well, not quite the same 'eyes' since everything then was a lot bigger, and I remember that too).
I also remember very well that at 15, physical attractiveness overrode great personality, sense of humor, kindness, generosity, even intelligence. In High School, most girls, like boys, tend to be hormone and appearance driven. You drool over the next Brad Pitt, not the next Bill Gates. When you're older, the looks become secondary to other traits, but it's a rare young girl that looks for those other traits first.
Before I married my husband, I took a hard look at his father. While they aren't the same person, my in laws were already married for 40 years at that point, he helped with cooking and dishes, and was a gentle wonderful man whom his wife adored. If my husband was only 1/2 the man his father was at that age, I'd be satisfied with what I got. And I am. This isn't always such an obvious decision when we of either Generation X or Baby Boomers all have had the familiarity with the drug culture, instant gratification and societal changes.
Pain and angst is always a part of growing up... it's how you know you're alive. Great love, great appreciation for beauty, great capacity for self sacrifice are the flip side of the coin for the low points.
So despite it all, few of us are willing to give up the occasional emptiness and loneliness to lose out on the ability to love desperately, if only once. But there's no reason to prolong pain, when there's someone else out there who can make you deliriously happy again. The sooner you can get over the bad experience, the sooner you'll be open to new possibilities again. Thus my suggestion:P.
And everyone had such great insight, what a wonderful group:).
QUOTE
You forgot one thing: if you're friends with a girl, either she's secretly in love with you or you will never get beyond the "friends" stage. Unless, of course, you're slick and get her crazy about you. Otherwise, any move on your part will repulse her. It will destroy your friendship and leave you lonely and feeling stupid. Nope. Never tried it. Never going to, either (hopefully).
You have to be careful if you want a girl as "more than friends".
You have to be careful if you want a girl as "more than friends".
I used to feel the same way...when I was in highschool. Friendships are a lot more superficial then. But in a real relationship, the romance, the hot passion etc... fade (they do resurface occasionally....but its not the 'can't keep my hands off' kind of passion), and what your left with is someone you spend a lot of time with. Its tough to spend time with someone you aren't friends with. And sometimes, your friends with someone, and without knowing the relationship shifts. Thats what happened with me and my girlfriend.
QUOTE (->
| QUOTE |
| You forgot one thing: if you're friends with a girl, either she's secretly in love with you or you will never get beyond the "friends" stage. Unless, of course, you're slick and get her crazy about you. Otherwise, any move on your part will repulse her. It will destroy your friendship and leave you lonely and feeling stupid. Nope. Never tried it. Never going to, either (hopefully). You have to be careful if you want a girl as "more than friends". |
I used to feel the same way...when I was in highschool. Friendships are a lot more superficial then. But in a real relationship, the romance, the hot passion etc... fade (they do resurface occasionally....but its not the 'can't keep my hands off' kind of passion), and what your left with is someone you spend a lot of time with. Its tough to spend time with someone you aren't friends with. And sometimes, your friends with someone, and without knowing the relationship shifts. Thats what happened with me and my girlfriend.
That's what I said: five years minimum in a relationship before getting married. I was laughed at.
Love isn't, and doesn't have to be so calculated. Being together for a long time is a smart move. But 5 years isn't going to be long enough for some, and for others might make the girl resentful at not being proposed to. She might think her feelings aren't for you aren't the same ones you have for him. What I am saying is each situation is going to be unique, and a broad time stamp won't be right for every individual situation. However, not rushing into things is a very good idea.
QUOTE
I remember also saying you'll never find a girl better fit for you. Why haven't you married her yet? Financial lackings? I'll buy that.
Because we haven't been together long enough. 2 1/2 years at this young age I do not consider to be long enough. Also, as a student I live with my parents still, and have 8 months a year with no income. Pretty hard to get married under those circumstances.
QUOTE (curious1+)
At 15, I thought 30 year olds were O L D.
I didn't.
I didn't.
QUOTE (Steveo+)
I used to feel the same way...when I was in highschool. Friendships are a lot more superficial then. But in a real relationship, the romance, the hot passion etc... fade (they do resurface occasionally....but its not the 'can't keep my hands off' kind of passion), and what your left with is someone you spend a lot of time with. Its tough to spend time with someone you aren't friends with. And sometimes, your friends with someone, and without knowing the relationship shifts. Thats what happened with me and my girlfriend.
But it's a basic rule to follow. If you go into a friendship thinking you're not going to be anything more like this, you won't be disappointed when it's not and you won't screw everything up. If something does happen, sweet.
But it's a basic rule to follow. If you go into a friendship thinking you're not going to be anything more like this, you won't be disappointed when it's not and you won't screw everything up. If something does happen, sweet.
QUOTE (same+)
Love isn't, and doesn't have to be so calculated. Being together for a long time is a smart move. But 5 years isn't going to be long enough for some, and for others might make the girl resentful at not being proposed to. She might think her feelings aren't for you aren't the same ones you have for him. What I am saying is each situation is going to be unique, and a broad time stamp won't be right for every individual situation. However, not rushing into things is a very good idea.
I believe I've said this before, but if you don't have a time table there are people who will believe 6 months is long enough for them.
I believe I've said this before, but if you don't have a time table there are people who will believe 6 months is long enough for them.
QUOTE (same+)
Because we haven't been together long enough. 2 1/2 years at this young age I do not consider to be long enough.
Good point. You were talking like you've been with her forever.
As a university student studying physics I don't have the time nor the desire to work during the school year. I make enough money during the summer to pay tuition and if I budget well, to have enough to last during the year. Education is more important to me than any type of temporary 'joe job'.
As a university student studying physics I don't have the time nor the desire to work during the school year. I make enough money during the summer to pay tuition and if I budget well, to have enough to last during the year. Education is more important to me than any type of temporary 'joe job'.
But it's a basic rule to follow. If you go into a friendship thinking you're not going to be anything more like this, you won't be disappointed when it's not and you won't screw everything up. If something does happen, sweet.
I think we are talking about different things. I was not talking about befriending someone because your interested. I am talking about when the dynamics of a purely plutonic friendship change into a romantic relationship. If you befriend someone and pretend to be their friend when you actually want a romantic relationship your doomed for disappointment.
Good point. You were talking like you've been with her forever.
QUOTE (Steveo+)
Also, as a student I live with my parents still, and have 8 months a year with no income. Pretty hard to get married under those circumstances.
Eight months? You just work in the summer? What, are you in high school?
Eight months? You just work in the summer? What, are you in high school?
QUOTE
Eight months? You just work in the summer? What, are you in high school?
As a university student studying physics I don't have the time nor the desire to work during the school year. I make enough money during the summer to pay tuition and if I budget well, to have enough to last during the year. Education is more important to me than any type of temporary 'joe job'.
QUOTE (->
| QUOTE |
| Eight months? You just work in the summer? What, are you in high school? |
As a university student studying physics I don't have the time nor the desire to work during the school year. I make enough money during the summer to pay tuition and if I budget well, to have enough to last during the year. Education is more important to me than any type of temporary 'joe job'.
But it's a basic rule to follow. If you go into a friendship thinking you're not going to be anything more like this, you won't be disappointed when it's not and you won't screw everything up. If something does happen, sweet.
I think we are talking about different things. I was not talking about befriending someone because your interested. I am talking about when the dynamics of a purely plutonic friendship change into a romantic relationship. If you befriend someone and pretend to be their friend when you actually want a romantic relationship your doomed for disappointment.
QUOTE (Steveo+Aug 10 2006, 11:20 AM)
As a university student studying physics I don't have the time nor the desire to work during the school year. I make enough money during the summer to pay tuition and if I budget well, to have enough to last during the year. Education is more important to me than any type of temporary 'joe job'.
Physics gives ya brain drain, eh? Boy, do I have something to look forward to.
Physics gives ya brain drain, eh? Boy, do I have something to look forward to.
QUOTE (same+)
I think we are talking about different things. I was not talking about befriending someone because your interested.
Nah, I'm saying if you're interested try to keep out of the "friend zone".
Nah, I'm saying if you're interested try to keep out of the "friend zone".
QUOTE (same+)
I am talking about when the dynamics of a purely plutonic friendship change into a romantic relationship.
I heard it doesn't happen often.
My relationship with my girlfriend started out with a friendship. We were only friends, with no interest in eachother romantically for 4 years before anything happened. Then for whatever reasons, things changed and we began a romantic relationship. One that was very passionate at first, but, as the passion has began to fade, we still have the solid friendship. We love to hang out and spend time together. And thats very important. You will not have a long relationship if you and your lover also don't have a friendship. The friendship doesn't have to develop first, but it has to develop, or else its just a physical relationship. And those always fade!
Whats the saying I have heard "Show me the most beautiful woman in the world, and I will show you someone who is bored of sex with her". No relationship that doesn't have a friendship will last.
My relationship with my girlfriend started out with a friendship. We were only friends, with no interest in eachother romantically for 4 years before anything happened. Then for whatever reasons, things changed and we began a romantic relationship. One that was very passionate at first, but, as the passion has began to fade, we still have the solid friendship. We love to hang out and spend time together. And thats very important. You will not have a long relationship if you and your lover also don't have a friendship. The friendship doesn't have to develop first, but it has to develop, or else its just a physical relationship. And those always fade!
Whats the saying I have heard "Show me the most beautiful woman in the world, and I will show you someone who is bored of sex with her". No relationship that doesn't have a friendship will last.
Physics gives ya brain drain, eh? Boy, do I have something to look forward to.
A physics education is great. You actually learn how to think....which is always why its a brain drain!
When things change, they usually change rather naturally, and its not a forced thing. If its a forced thing, agian, it will probably end up in disappointment for one of the party's involved.
I heard it doesn't happen often.
QUOTE (Steveo+)
If you befriend someone and pretend to be their friend when you actually want a romantic relationship your doomed for disappointment.
I think that's what I'm saying.
I think that's what I'm saying.
In my experience, some of the LONGEST lasting love affairs I've witnessed started out as just friends.
I suggest the movie "Tootsie" for an offbeat take on this idea.
Arthur
I suggest the movie "Tootsie" for an offbeat take on this idea.
Arthur
But if you're too lame to be the girl's lover but not too lame to be the girl's friend, when trying to be her lover you'll screw up the friendship. If over time the two get closer and closer, then you're really not trying to be something more. 
QUOTE
In my experience, some of the LONGEST lasting love affairs I've witnessed started out as just friends.
I suggest the movie "Tootsie" for an offbeat take on this idea.
I suggest the movie "Tootsie" for an offbeat take on this idea.
My relationship with my girlfriend started out with a friendship. We were only friends, with no interest in eachother romantically for 4 years before anything happened. Then for whatever reasons, things changed and we began a romantic relationship. One that was very passionate at first, but, as the passion has began to fade, we still have the solid friendship. We love to hang out and spend time together. And thats very important. You will not have a long relationship if you and your lover also don't have a friendship. The friendship doesn't have to develop first, but it has to develop, or else its just a physical relationship. And those always fade!
Whats the saying I have heard "Show me the most beautiful woman in the world, and I will show you someone who is bored of sex with her". No relationship that doesn't have a friendship will last.
QUOTE (->
| QUOTE |
| In my experience, some of the LONGEST lasting love affairs I've witnessed started out as just friends. I suggest the movie "Tootsie" for an offbeat take on this idea. |
My relationship with my girlfriend started out with a friendship. We were only friends, with no interest in eachother romantically for 4 years before anything happened. Then for whatever reasons, things changed and we began a romantic relationship. One that was very passionate at first, but, as the passion has began to fade, we still have the solid friendship. We love to hang out and spend time together. And thats very important. You will not have a long relationship if you and your lover also don't have a friendship. The friendship doesn't have to develop first, but it has to develop, or else its just a physical relationship. And those always fade!
Whats the saying I have heard "Show me the most beautiful woman in the world, and I will show you someone who is bored of sex with her". No relationship that doesn't have a friendship will last.
Physics gives ya brain drain, eh? Boy, do I have something to look forward to.
A physics education is great. You actually learn how to think....which is always why its a brain drain!
QUOTE
But if you're too lame to be the girl's lover but not too lame to be the girl's friend, when trying to be her lover you'll screw up the friendship. If over time the two get closer and closer, then you're really not trying to be something more.
When things change, they usually change rather naturally, and its not a forced thing. If its a forced thing, agian, it will probably end up in disappointment for one of the party's involved.
QUOTE (Steveo+)
Whats the saying I have heard "Show me the most beautiful woman in the world, and I will show you someone who is bored of sex with her".
I wanna be that man.
I wanna be that man.
QUOTE (same+)
When things change, they usually change rather naturally, and its not a forced thing. If its a forced thing, agian, it will probably end up in disappointment for one of the party's involved.
That's what I was trying to say. But I guess I was wrong about the whole "friendships don't go anywhere".
That's what I was trying to say. But I guess I was wrong about the whole "friendships don't go anywhere".
Curious1,
So you mean, love is just physical???
So you mean, love is just physical???
You are young, your hormones are raging and you simply want to express them.
So you mean since I am young, I can't express true love??
I agree!!!! But I really don't have to do those things and imagine. I don't have to worry about the future. When you love, you just care about the present. You just cherish the moment as long as it stays... And whatever happens tomorrow, you'll just go with it...
I agree!!!! But I really don't have to do those things and imagine. I don't have to worry about the future. When you love, you just care about the present. You just cherish the moment as long as it stays... And whatever happens tomorrow, you'll just go with it...
BTW, WHO says when you love you have to 'risk all'?
Yup... who said that? Me???
I will...
QUOTE
'Love', the kind that you describe as leaving you feeling 'lonely and empty', is hormonal... and related to physical desire or lust.
So you mean, love is just physical???
QUOTE (->
| QUOTE |
| 'Love', the kind that you describe as leaving you feeling 'lonely and empty', is hormonal... and related to physical desire or lust. |
So you mean, love is just physical???
You are young, your hormones are raging and you simply want to express them.
So you mean since I am young, I can't express true love??
QUOTE
If you can look at him, and still feel the same way if he were very very different negatively... it may be love. If not, it's only infatuation... you don't like who he IS.
I agree!!!! But I really don't have to do those things and imagine. I don't have to worry about the future. When you love, you just care about the present. You just cherish the moment as long as it stays... And whatever happens tomorrow, you'll just go with it...
QUOTE (->
| QUOTE |
| If you can look at him, and still feel the same way if he were very very different negatively... it may be love. If not, it's only infatuation... you don't like who he IS. |
I agree!!!! But I really don't have to do those things and imagine. I don't have to worry about the future. When you love, you just care about the present. You just cherish the moment as long as it stays... And whatever happens tomorrow, you'll just go with it...
BTW, WHO says when you love you have to 'risk all'?
Yup... who said that? Me???
QUOTE
You don't have to make the decision to dump him, that's one less pain for you, now imagine the fat ugly him and you'll feel much better sooner.
I will...
Josh.
Someone told me that the word "true love" is a repetition. Because if you talk about love, then automatically it is true, it is real. They say there's really no such thing as playfullove or whatever because if love is not true, then it's not love...
Someone told me that the word "true love" is a repetition. Because if you talk about love, then automatically it is true, it is real. They say there's really no such thing as playfullove or whatever because if love is not true, then it's not love...
But if you're too lame to be the girl's lover but not too lame to be the girl's friend, when trying to be her lover you'll screw up the friendship. If over time the two get closer and closer, then you're really not trying to be something more.
I like relationships that first started out with friends. Because when someone is your friend, you know him, you accept him, you see his negative sides and you still love him despite that. And when you fall in love with a friend, you love him not because of his looks but because of HIM.
That's why those kind of relationships OFTEN last longer...
QUOTE
Do something about it. If--like Curious said--this person is in a bad relationship, get out. The love is not real. Otherwise it wouldn't be miserable. If the person in question is in love with someone who has no interest in him/her, move on. There are plenty of fish in the sea. And many of them want to be caught in your net.
If the love is true, then the happiness is true and it is not miserable.
If the love is true, then the happiness is true and it is not miserable.
Someone told me that the word "true love" is a repetition. Because if you talk about love, then automatically it is true, it is real. They say there's really no such thing as playfullove or whatever because if love is not true, then it's not love...
QUOTE (->
| QUOTE |
| Do something about it. If--like Curious said--this person is in a bad relationship, get out. The love is not real. Otherwise it wouldn't be miserable. If the person in question is in love with someone who has no interest in him/her, move on. There are plenty of fish in the sea. And many of them want to be caught in your net. If the love is true, then the happiness is true and it is not miserable. |
Someone told me that the word "true love" is a repetition. Because if you talk about love, then automatically it is true, it is real. They say there's really no such thing as playfullove or whatever because if love is not true, then it's not love...
But if you're too lame to be the girl's lover but not too lame to be the girl's friend, when trying to be her lover you'll screw up the friendship. If over time the two get closer and closer, then you're really not trying to be something more.
I like relationships that first started out with friends. Because when someone is your friend, you know him, you accept him, you see his negative sides and you still love him despite that. And when you fall in love with a friend, you love him not because of his looks but because of HIM.
That's why those kind of relationships OFTEN last longer...
I'll reply to this hilarious post when I'm done milking the goat.
I just saw this second post of yours, I can't read it now.
I just saw this second post of yours, I can't read it now.
Josh.
Someone told me that the word "true love" is a repetition. Because if you talk about love, then automatically it is true, it is real. They say there's really no such thing as playfullove or whatever because if love is not true, then it's not love...
Someone told me that the word "true love" is a repetition. Because if you talk about love, then automatically it is true, it is real. They say there's really no such thing as playfullove or whatever because if love is not true, then it's not love...
But if you're too lame to be the girl's lover but not too lame to be the girl's friend, when trying to be her lover you'll screw up the friendship. If over time the two get closer and closer, then you're really not trying to be something more.
I like relationships that first started out with friends. Because when someone is your friend, you know him, you accept him, you see his negative sides and you still love him despite that. And when you fall in love with a friend, you love him not because of his looks but because of HIM.
That's why those kind of relationships OFTEN last longer...
QUOTE
Do something about it. If--like Curious said--this person is in a bad relationship, get out. The love is not real. Otherwise it wouldn't be miserable. If the person in question is in love with someone who has no interest in him/her, move on. There are plenty of fish in the sea. And many of them want to be caught in your net.
If the love is true, then the happiness is true and it is not miserable.
If the love is true, then the happiness is true and it is not miserable.
Someone told me that the word "true love" is a repetition. Because if you talk about love, then automatically it is true, it is real. They say there's really no such thing as playfullove or whatever because if love is not true, then it's not love...
QUOTE (->
| QUOTE |
| Do something about it. If--like Curious said--this person is in a bad relationship, get out. The love is not real. Otherwise it wouldn't be miserable. If the person in question is in love with someone who has no interest in him/her, move on. There are plenty of fish in the sea. And many of them want to be caught in your net. If the love is true, then the happiness is true and it is not miserable. |
Someone told me that the word "true love" is a repetition. Because if you talk about love, then automatically it is true, it is real. They say there's really no such thing as playfullove or whatever because if love is not true, then it's not love...
But if you're too lame to be the girl's lover but not too lame to be the girl's friend, when trying to be her lover you'll screw up the friendship. If over time the two get closer and closer, then you're really not trying to be something more.
I like relationships that first started out with friends. Because when someone is your friend, you know him, you accept him, you see his negative sides and you still love him despite that. And when you fall in love with a friend, you love him not because of his looks but because of HIM.
That's why those kind of relationships OFTEN last longer...
Steven A.
Sure...
Sure...
Anyway, though the strong emotions can be fun at times, it's really just friendship and some trust that's most important in the end. I think it may be a bit harder today than in the past to find a lasting relationship, but I think these do tend to come when you aren't really expecting them and it's just a matter of being open to the chances of having them last that makes it possible.
But there are some people who do not like relationships from friendships because they're afraid to risk it. They're afraid that love will destroy the friendship. But love starts with friendship, right?? And I said when you love, you should not be afraid of risking something. Love is about facing your greatest fears... You don't give a damn. You just fall in love, that's it.
QUOTE
When you're with a friend, you do things together because each of you feel a benefit. Emotions and physical beauty fade over time, but finding someone you simply get along with ok and trust is 90% of it.
Sure...
QUOTE (->
| QUOTE |
| When you're with a friend, you do things together because each of you feel a benefit. Emotions and physical beauty fade over time, but finding someone you simply get along with ok and trust is 90% of it. |
Sure...
Anyway, though the strong emotions can be fun at times, it's really just friendship and some trust that's most important in the end. I think it may be a bit harder today than in the past to find a lasting relationship, but I think these do tend to come when you aren't really expecting them and it's just a matter of being open to the chances of having them last that makes it possible.
But there are some people who do not like relationships from friendships because they're afraid to risk it. They're afraid that love will destroy the friendship. But love starts with friendship, right?? And I said when you love, you should not be afraid of risking something. Love is about facing your greatest fears... You don't give a damn. You just fall in love, that's it.
QUOTE (howtothinklikegod+)
Someone told me that the word "true love" is a repetition. Because if you talk about love, then automatically it is true, it is real. They say there's really no such thing as playfullove or whatever because if love is not true, then it's not love...
Everyone has there own definition for everything. This definition is too dark for my tastes. I like to think of it this way:
There are two types of love, true love and false love. False love is when one party is in love with a person, but they are not in love with him/her. It's also when one person is in love with the wrong person for them—or they are in love with each other. The love will wear away when the passion disappears.
True love is when both parties are in love with one another and they are right for each other—or, as close as possible. True love is always happy because you find false love before you find it. False love is what breaks your heart.
Everyone has there own definition for everything. This definition is too dark for my tastes. I like to think of it this way:
There are two types of love, true love and false love. False love is when one party is in love with a person, but they are not in love with him/her. It's also when one person is in love with the wrong person for them—or they are in love with each other. The love will wear away when the passion disappears.
True love is when both parties are in love with one another and they are right for each other—or, as close as possible. True love is always happy because you find false love before you find it. False love is what breaks your heart.
QUOTE (same+)
I like relationships that first started out with friends. Because when someone is your friend, you know him, you accept him, you see his negative sides and you still love him despite that. And when you fall in love with a friend, you love him not because of his looks but because of HIM.
Yeah well, I got my information from someone who was supposed to know what he was talking about. He had good insights, so, it wasn't a total loss.
Yeah well, I got my information from someone who was supposed to know what he was talking about. He had good insights, so, it wasn't a total loss.
QUOTE
Josh.
What the hell is this? I'm sandwitched between a repeat.
I hope you don't mind if I make a remark about "And whatever happens tomorrow, you'll just go with it..."
That was Hitler's philosophy in WWII. He got his *** kicked.
QUOTE (->
| QUOTE |
| Josh. Do something about it. If--like Curious said--this person is in a bad relationship, get out. The love is not real. Otherwise it wouldn't be miserable. If the person in question is in love with someone who has no interest in him/her, move on. There are plenty of fish in the sea. And many of them want to be caught in your net. If the love is true, then the happiness is true and it is not miserable. Someone told me that the word "true love" is a repetition. Because if you talk about love, then automatically it is true, it is real. They say there's really no such thing as playfullove or whatever because if love is not true, then it's not love... QUOTE But if you're too lame to be the girl's lover but not too lame to be the girl's friend, when trying to be her lover you'll screw up the friendship. If over time the two get closer and closer, then you're really not trying to be something more. I like relationships that first started out with friends. Because when someone is your friend, you know him, you accept him, you see his negative sides and you still love him despite that. And when you fall in love with a friend, you love him not because of his looks but because of HIM. That's why those kind of relationships OFTEN last longer... |
What the hell is this? I'm sandwitched between a repeat.
I hope you don't mind if I make a remark about "And whatever happens tomorrow, you'll just go with it..."
That was Hitler's philosophy in WWII. He got his *** kicked.
Soundhertz!!!!
Yes,I won't let it.But I can't. Those thoughts fill my mind everyday and the worse thing is I can't help it.It's killing me without even my permission. Damn...
Yes,I won't let it.But I can't. Those thoughts fill my mind everyday and the worse thing is I can't help it.It's killing me without even my permission. Damn...
One single person should never be allowed by you - especially at your age! - to infect and dictate your life to come. No one, no one, should be given that power by you. Be jealous of that power and keep it yours. You've shown your solidness here already. Courage is a muscle that is exercised and strengthened by using it.
I'm too weak to have that kind of courage. Besides, other people become my reason to live, not just myself. I depend on them for reasons... They are the reason why I'm alive. Pain is one thing that a person cannot ever forget though it hurts them... It's just that I can't live without experiencing pain...
I'm not dating!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just loved, that's it...
QUOTE
More than anything at this stage in your life, don't let a bad experience resonate in you too long. You will strengthen it then and allow it to play it's part in 'fixing your future'.
Yes,I won't let it.But I can't. Those thoughts fill my mind everyday and the worse thing is I can't help it.It's killing me without even my permission. Damn...
QUOTE (->
| QUOTE |
| More than anything at this stage in your life, don't let a bad experience resonate in you too long. You will strengthen it then and allow it to play it's part in 'fixing your future'. |
Yes,I won't let it.But I can't. Those thoughts fill my mind everyday and the worse thing is I can't help it.It's killing me without even my permission. Damn...
One single person should never be allowed by you - especially at your age! - to infect and dictate your life to come. No one, no one, should be given that power by you. Be jealous of that power and keep it yours. You've shown your solidness here already. Courage is a muscle that is exercised and strengthened by using it.
I'm too weak to have that kind of courage. Besides, other people become my reason to live, not just myself. I depend on them for reasons... They are the reason why I'm alive. Pain is one thing that a person cannot ever forget though it hurts them... It's just that I can't live without experiencing pain...
QUOTE
Be very very patient and vigilant as C1 says. Rushing is good for getting away from fires or angry bees, not for getting into relationships. Have fun dating! Keep it light!
I'm not dating!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just loved, that's it...
Steveo,
Yup... I agree with that!! Connection!! How sweet is that when he makes you smile and he makes you special. Just seeing him makes you happy...
Yup... I agree with that!! Connection!! How sweet is that when he makes you smile and he makes you special. Just seeing him makes you happy...
Another important thing is being able to be yourself. I know Josh thought this was gross before, but something like being able to fart and burp around your partner is important.
Because that shows that you accept each other completely... That's not gross..
I'm wondering how drugs got into this...
QUOTE
think the most important thing in any long lasting relationship is having senses of humor that go together. Neither person has to be a comedian, just that you can make eachother laugh. I am in no way a comedian, and neither is my girlfriend (we do have the occasionaly witty comment), but we can make eachother laugh until our stomachs hurt. Its fantastic!
Yup... I agree with that!! Connection!! How sweet is that when he makes you smile and he makes you special. Just seeing him makes you happy...
QUOTE (->
| QUOTE |
| think the most important thing in any long lasting relationship is having senses of humor that go together. Neither person has to be a comedian, just that you can make eachother laugh. I am in no way a comedian, and neither is my girlfriend (we do have the occasionaly witty comment), but we can make eachother laugh until our stomachs hurt. Its fantastic! |
Yup... I agree with that!! Connection!! How sweet is that when he makes you smile and he makes you special. Just seeing him makes you happy...
Another important thing is being able to be yourself. I know Josh thought this was gross before, but something like being able to fart and burp around your partner is important.
Because that shows that you accept each other completely... That's not gross..
QUOTE
Drugs will always be seen as 'cool' by some, and ALWAYS will be experimented with. Most, if not all cultures over the years have traditions with mind altering drugs. In the past many 'trips' as they would be called today were considered religious experiences. I am not, nor have I ever been a drug user, but I think North America takes a to up tight attitude with experimentation. Its made into such a taboo that some people are drawn to it, just to disobey.
I'm wondering how drugs got into this...
QUOTE (howtothinklikegod+Aug 11 2006, 08:49 AM)
How sweet is that when he makes you smile and he makes you special. Just seeing him makes you happy...
Don't I know it.
Ah, damn. I'm turning queer on you.
Don't I know it.
Ah, damn. I'm turning queer on you.
QUOTE (same+)
I'm wondering how drugs got into this...
bang 4 the buck,
I agree. But how can you tell the difference between love, infatuation and obsession??
I agree. But how can you tell the difference between love, infatuation and obsession??
Thats emotion for ya, and women are more fragile with intimate and personal emotion than many men, altho this seems like changing, they have different ways of routing their emotions.
Now, here's a gender-thing...
But that's the hardest thing... How can someone know if he just LIKE or if he already LOVE????
But that's the hardest thing... How can someone know if he just LIKE or if he already LOVE????
Love breaks the barrier of the unseeable mystery...the mellow beautiful heart.
Sure... What wonderful feeling...
Here is a challenge:: HOW DO YOU GUYS, DEFINE LOVE????
QUOTE
If that "emptiness" and "unsatisfied" want is felt, then it just cannot be love, nor going right.
Love is not "like", when in terms of partner, theres a major difference.
Its much more.
BUT until one attains it, you kinda NEVER know.
Love is not "like", when in terms of partner, theres a major difference.
Its much more.
BUT until one attains it, you kinda NEVER know.
I agree. But how can you tell the difference between love, infatuation and obsession??
QUOTE (->
| QUOTE |
| If that "emptiness" and "unsatisfied" want is felt, then it just cannot be love, nor going right. Love is not "like", when in terms of partner, theres a major difference. Its much more. BUT until one attains it, you kinda NEVER know. |
I agree. But how can you tell the difference between love, infatuation and obsession??
Thats emotion for ya, and women are more fragile with intimate and personal emotion than many men, altho this seems like changing, they have different ways of routing their emotions.
Now, here's a gender-thing...
QUOTE
One should be very careful to who they choose here, to trust and love, and for that NOT physical appearance or fame/respect of others, but your OWN loves and what you respect/like in a person, in qualities/traits/characteristics should count paramount.
But that's the hardest thing... How can someone know if he just LIKE or if he already LOVE????
QUOTE (->
| QUOTE |
| One should be very careful to who they choose here, to trust and love, and for that NOT physical appearance or fame/respect of others, but your OWN loves and what you respect/like in a person, in qualities/traits/characteristics should count paramount. |
But that's the hardest thing... How can someone know if he just LIKE or if he already LOVE????
Love breaks the barrier of the unseeable mystery...the mellow beautiful heart.
Sure... What wonderful feeling...
Here is a challenge:: HOW DO YOU GUYS, DEFINE LOVE????
Josh,
Is tomorrow a part of the world??
I'm just doing something so I really can't have all the time...
Sorry!!!
Is tomorrow a part of the world??
I'm just doing something so I really can't have all the time...
Sorry!!!
You have to be careful if you want a girl as "more than friends".
Why???
Nope... I'm still 15. I'm turning 16 this August 28... And I'm going to celebrate.....
I bet you're already 18???
Nope... I'm still 15. I'm turning 16 this August 28... And I'm going to celebrate.....
I bet you're already 18???
If you go into a friendship thinking you're not going to be anything more like this, you won't be disappointed when it's not and you won't screw everything up. If something does happen, sweet.
Yup, that's sweet...But some people think it's bitter...
Is there such thing as false love? Is loving someone wrong? Is it a sin already?? Is there really a wrong person?? It doesn'matter if the person you fall in love with is the right one or the false one. How could you know?? You have no idea. If you will stop those emotions just because you THINK he's not the right man, then what kind of a lover are you?? Do you think finding the person whom you will love forever is that easy???
No....
Is there such thing as false love? Is loving someone wrong? Is it a sin already?? Is there really a wrong person?? It doesn'matter if the person you fall in love with is the right one or the false one. How could you know?? You have no idea. If you will stop those emotions just because you THINK he's not the right man, then what kind of a lover are you?? Do you think finding the person whom you will love forever is that easy???
No....
hope you don't mind if I make a remark about "And whatever happens tomorrow, you'll just go with it..."
That was Hitler's philosophy in WWII. He got his *** kicked.
I'm not a relative of Hitler....
QUOTE
I don't know what part of the world she's on but...I think it's safe to say it's tomorrow.
Is tomorrow a part of the world??
I'm just doing something so I really can't have all the time...
Sorry!!!
QUOTE (->
| QUOTE |
| I don't know what part of the world she's on but...I think it's safe to say it's tomorrow. |
Is tomorrow a part of the world??
I'm just doing something so I really can't have all the time...
Sorry!!!
You have to be careful if you want a girl as "more than friends".
Why???
QUOTE
It's been a while, she might be 16.
Nope... I'm still 15. I'm turning 16 this August 28... And I'm going to celebrate.....
I bet you're already 18???
QUOTE (->
| QUOTE |
| It's been a while, she might be 16. |
Nope... I'm still 15. I'm turning 16 this August 28... And I'm going to celebrate.....
I bet you're already 18???
If you go into a friendship thinking you're not going to be anything more like this, you won't be disappointed when it's not and you won't screw everything up. If something does happen, sweet.
Yup, that's sweet...But some people think it's bitter...
QUOTE
Everyone has there own definition for everything. This definition is too dark for my tastes. I like to think of it this way:
There are two types of love, true love and false love. False love is when one party is in love with a person, but they are not in love with him/her. It's also when one person is in love with the wrong person for them—or they are in love with each other. The love will wear away when the passion disappears.
There are two types of love, true love and false love. False love is when one party is in love with a person, but they are not in love with him/her. It's also when one person is in love with the wrong person for them—or they are in love with each other. The love will wear away when the passion disappears.
Is there such thing as false love? Is loving someone wrong? Is it a sin already?? Is there really a wrong person?? It doesn'matter if the person you fall in love with is the right one or the false one. How could you know?? You have no idea. If you will stop those emotions just because you THINK he's not the right man, then what kind of a lover are you?? Do you think finding the person whom you will love forever is that easy???
No....
QUOTE (->
| QUOTE |
| Everyone has there own definition for everything. This definition is too dark for my tastes. I like to think of it this way: There are two types of love, true love and false love. False love is when one party is in love with a person, but they are not in love with him/her. It's also when one person is in love with the wrong person for them—or they are in love with each other. The love will wear away when the passion disappears. |
Is there such thing as false love? Is loving someone wrong? Is it a sin already?? Is there really a wrong person?? It doesn'matter if the person you fall in love with is the right one or the false one. How could you know?? You have no idea. If you will stop those emotions just because you THINK he's not the right man, then what kind of a lover are you?? Do you think finding the person whom you will love forever is that easy???
No....
hope you don't mind if I make a remark about "And whatever happens tomorrow, you'll just go with it..."
That was Hitler's philosophy in WWII. He got his *** kicked.
I'm not a relative of Hitler....
QUOTE (howtothinklikegod+)
Is tomorrow a part of the world??
No.
No.
QUOTE (same+)
Why???
Okay, suppose a guy wants to be your lover but you want to be just friends. What happens?
Okay, suppose a guy wants to be your lover but you want to be just friends. What happens?
QUOTE (same+)
Nope... I'm still 15. I'm turning 16 this August 28...
It was just a joke.
It was just a joke.
QUOTE (howtothinklikegod+)
And I'm going to celebrate.....
Party hard! Don't run over anybody!!!
Party hard! Don't run over anybody!!!
QUOTE (same+)
I bet you're already 18???
Not for a while, no.
Not for a while, no.
QUOTE (same+)
Is there such thing as false love?
But you get what I'm saying, right?
But you get what I'm saying, right?
QUOTE (howtothinklikegod+)
Is there really a wrong person??
Yes. Two people who have nothing in common can not stay in love.
Yes. Two people who have nothing in common can not stay in love.
QUOTE (same+)
It doesn'matter if the person you fall in love with is the right one or the false one. How could you know??
You don't know until your heart's broken.
Thats a tough question. I think everyone will have a different definition. I sort of like the saying "when you are inlove, you will just know", however even that is misleading. You may think your inlove because you have all of these wild, new feelings, but only time will tell if its love. I used to have a problem with infatuation. I would meet a girl, find her very interesting and get very infatuated with her. Then a month later get bored. Sounds bad, but thats what happened a lot.
Thats a tough question. I think everyone will have a different definition. I sort of like the saying "when you are inlove, you will just know", however even that is misleading. You may think your inlove because you have all of these wild, new feelings, but only time will tell if its love. I used to have a problem with infatuation. I would meet a girl, find her very interesting and get very infatuated with her. Then a month later get bored. Sounds bad, but thats what happened a lot.
I agree. But how can you tell the difference between love, infatuation and obsession??
One way is time, and another way is if it brings you a 'net increase in happiness', or a 'net decrease in happiness'. When you are in love, it should make you happy much more than it makes you unhappy. If you are unhappy more than you are happy, its a bad situation to be in. The feelings also have to be mutual, or else its not very healthy, obviously.
You said something about love living in the moment. This may be kind of true, but it has been my experience that lust is more about living in the moment and not worrying about tomorrow. When you are planning for the future with that person it seems more like love. Love usually brings commitment and that means its ok to plan for the future. Lust is uncertain, and thats why you would only live in the moment.
You don't know until your heart's broken.
QUOTE (same+)
Do you think finding the person whom you will love forever is that easy???
No....
No....
QUOTE
Here is a challenge:: HOW DO YOU GUYS, DEFINE LOVE????
Thats a tough question. I think everyone will have a different definition. I sort of like the saying "when you are inlove, you will just know", however even that is misleading. You may think your inlove because you have all of these wild, new feelings, but only time will tell if its love. I used to have a problem with infatuation. I would meet a girl, find her very interesting and get very infatuated with her. Then a month later get bored. Sounds bad, but thats what happened a lot.
QUOTE (->
| QUOTE |
| Here is a challenge:: HOW DO YOU GUYS, DEFINE LOVE???? |
Thats a tough question. I think everyone will have a different definition. I sort of like the saying "when you are inlove, you will just know", however even that is misleading. You may think your inlove because you have all of these wild, new feelings, but only time will tell if its love. I used to have a problem with infatuation. I would meet a girl, find her very interesting and get very infatuated with her. Then a month later get bored. Sounds bad, but thats what happened a lot.
I agree. But how can you tell the difference between love, infatuation and obsession??
One way is time, and another way is if it brings you a 'net increase in happiness', or a 'net decrease in happiness'. When you are in love, it should make you happy much more than it makes you unhappy. If you are unhappy more than you are happy, its a bad situation to be in. The feelings also have to be mutual, or else its not very healthy, obviously.
You said something about love living in the moment. This may be kind of true, but it has been my experience that lust is more about living in the moment and not worrying about tomorrow. When you are planning for the future with that person it seems more like love. Love usually brings commitment and that means its ok to plan for the future. Lust is uncertain, and thats why you would only live in the moment.
I already answered this, I think there's 2 different kinds of love. The physical heart thumping actually painful kind of yearning love, which involves physical interaction, and the regular, comfortable, familar kind we feel for those people we simply enjoy being around and care deeply about, but would not desire any physical interactions with (parents, kids, relatives, pets, friends).
The physical kind is hormonal, primitive, lets you know you're alive, and it's a lot of fun, but always painful at the same time. You are going to DIE if you are apart for any length of time type. But this type NEVER endures, because it's hormone driven. I have seen studies where it's similar to an animal's 'heat'... which humans don't have on a scheduled basis, so can hit at any time. It's the residual primal urge, the need to procreate, that drives us biologically to reproduce.
This wears away... biologically, because for maximum survivability, having several different mates and progenies give a greater chance of genetic survival. Thus the explanation for the '7 year itch' in marriages, tho for dating, it can be as short as a few weeks. This is the scientific explanation... but not particularly satisfying to someone at the ages where it hits hard. As you get older... the hormonal rush becomes a lot less frequent anyway, so enjoy/suffer while you can:).
Relationships endure over the long haul, because people replace the hormonal love with concern, respect and comfort. We care. We care what they think, how their health is, what they like and dislike, that they're happy. That's love too.
Caring about someone is a lot different from that hormonal love... have you ever felt total crazy obsession/love for someone you don't even LIKE as a person? Someone who had the hot body, the voice, the hands, the face that you would die for... but is about as smart and intellectually interesting as an egg? Or has the ambition of a supermarket clerk or waiter? That lust fades VERY quickly, and then he's just irritating to have around. I'm sure men have that same thing happen to them.
Now, I'm not talking about how I feel NOW... age changes many perceptions. I'm referring to how I felt at your age, where I already mentioned that animal physical attraction is a lot more superficial anyway. His face, his body, his smell are the prime drivers of this feeling. The type where you dream of kissing him and more. You can't stop thinking about him. You want him, you want to be near him, he makes you smile. He makes you happy inside just being near. The sound of his voice is the most beautiful thing you've ever heard... that kind of thing.
If that love isn't replaced by respect and friendship... it just poofs. One day you look at him and all of a sudden see things that the lust hid from you.... you can tell when it's gone. The sun is just a bit less bright... and the things you thought were AWESOME are suddenly annoying.
So, I totally agree that if you can be friends first, that's the way to go. You should anyway, few women dive head first into sex on the first date. It takes time to get to know someone.
I'm not sure I agree with the keep perspective dates and friends separate in your mind thing... I think it's a lot safer to approach all relationships as potential long term friendships. If things never work out, no one is disappointed. If you can't respect him or find that he's really very irritating, you have given nothing away, and he's not sad either.
But then, when I was growing up, there was no such thing as 'going on a date'. It was never that formal. You meet someone and they say, wanna go get something to eat? Usually in the course of a long conversation (my idea of fun conversation back then was arguing about history like why we were in the Vietnam war, or what really happens in our afterlife? Or, what political party do you like and why?). I further dragged them shopping... if a man isn't friend material... nothing will tell you this faster:P. Also, by my choice of conversation, I weeded out people I wouldn't date or want to be friends with pretty quickly.
If there's something to talk about, then you exchange numbers, and just hang out sometimes. In a short time, if there's something there, you're just bf/gf.
How do I define love then? When there's different kinds? Love is so many different things. Love is passion, that painful chest ache, friendship, complete comfort, trust, caring, and things to talk about. It's caring that they smile, that their day was good, that they are happy.
Someone said they had common interests... my husband and I are nearly opposite. And we agree on almost NOTHING, which means that we have argued for decades:P. Further, the things he likes I can't stand and vice versa.. he's about football, playing and watching, fishing, boating, playing the guitar (badly), monty python, 3 stooges, outdoors, engineering. I'm about computers, plants, reading, gaming, air conditioning, science fiction, collecting things, biology and research. We are both crazy about our kids.
His mom says that she thinks that we are so perfect for each other we're like the 2 sides of a coin which can't be separated. hehehe. I guess that's love too:).
The physical kind is hormonal, primitive, lets you know you're alive, and it's a lot of fun, but always painful at the same time. You are going to DIE if you are apart for any length of time type. But this type NEVER endures, because it's hormone driven. I have seen studies where it's similar to an animal's 'heat'... which humans don't have on a scheduled basis, so can hit at any time. It's the residual primal urge, the need to procreate, that drives us biologically to reproduce.
This wears away... biologically, because for maximum survivability, having several different mates and progenies give a greater chance of genetic survival. Thus the explanation for the '7 year itch' in marriages, tho for dating, it can be as short as a few weeks. This is the scientific explanation... but not particularly satisfying to someone at the ages where it hits hard. As you get older... the hormonal rush becomes a lot less frequent anyway, so enjoy/suffer while you can:).
Relationships endure over the long haul, because people replace the hormonal love with concern, respect and comfort. We care. We care what they think, how their health is, what they like and dislike, that they're happy. That's love too.
Caring about someone is a lot different from that hormonal love... have you ever felt total crazy obsession/love for someone you don't even LIKE as a person? Someone who had the hot body, the voice, the hands, the face that you would die for... but is about as smart and intellectually interesting as an egg? Or has the ambition of a supermarket clerk or waiter? That lust fades VERY quickly, and then he's just irritating to have around. I'm sure men have that same thing happen to them.
Now, I'm not talking about how I feel NOW... age changes many perceptions. I'm referring to how I felt at your age, where I already mentioned that animal physical attraction is a lot more superficial anyway. His face, his body, his smell are the prime drivers of this feeling. The type where you dream of kissing him and more. You can't stop thinking about him. You want him, you want to be near him, he makes you smile. He makes you happy inside just being near. The sound of his voice is the most beautiful thing you've ever heard... that kind of thing.
If that love isn't replaced by respect and friendship... it just poofs. One day you look at him and all of a sudden see things that the lust hid from you.... you can tell when it's gone. The sun is just a bit less bright... and the things you thought were AWESOME are suddenly annoying.
So, I totally agree that if you can be friends first, that's the way to go. You should anyway, few women dive head first into sex on the first date. It takes time to get to know someone.
I'm not sure I agree with the keep perspective dates and friends separate in your mind thing... I think it's a lot safer to approach all relationships as potential long term friendships. If things never work out, no one is disappointed. If you can't respect him or find that he's really very irritating, you have given nothing away, and he's not sad either.
But then, when I was growing up, there was no such thing as 'going on a date'. It was never that formal. You meet someone and they say, wanna go get something to eat? Usually in the course of a long conversation (my idea of fun conversation back then was arguing about history like why we were in the Vietnam war, or what really happens in our afterlife? Or, what political party do you like and why?). I further dragged them shopping... if a man isn't friend material... nothing will tell you this faster:P. Also, by my choice of conversation, I weeded out people I wouldn't date or want to be friends with pretty quickly.
If there's something to talk about, then you exchange numbers, and just hang out sometimes. In a short time, if there's something there, you're just bf/gf.
How do I define love then? When there's different kinds? Love is so many different things. Love is passion, that painful chest ache, friendship, complete comfort, trust, caring, and things to talk about. It's caring that they smile, that their day was good, that they are happy.
Someone said they had common interests... my husband and I are nearly opposite. And we agree on almost NOTHING, which means that we have argued for decades:P. Further, the things he likes I can't stand and vice versa.. he's about football, playing and watching, fishing, boating, playing the guitar (badly), monty python, 3 stooges, outdoors, engineering. I'm about computers, plants, reading, gaming, air conditioning, science fiction, collecting things, biology and research. We are both crazy about our kids.
His mom says that she thinks that we are so perfect for each other we're like the 2 sides of a coin which can't be separated. hehehe. I guess that's love too:).
Oooh. I forgot the most important thing about enduring love... he HAS to match your sense of morality and loyalty. There's nothing more terrible in a relationship than being with someone who doesn't share the same core values. This includes about friendships, fidelity, children, parents, each other, and sad to say, but money. I have had so many friends driven apart because one's a saver and the other is a spender.
I know you're not shopping for a lifelong partner, but it doesn't hurt to spend time with people who share what is most important to you. So when I say my husband and I are opposite, I'm talking about hobbies and things to argue about (in fun), not things that can affect your entire future together.
I know you're not shopping for a lifelong partner, but it doesn't hurt to spend time with people who share what is most important to you. So when I say my husband and I are opposite, I'm talking about hobbies and things to argue about (in fun), not things that can affect your entire future together.
Hi HTTLG,
Blimin, I reckon Steveo/555Joshua/curious1 have covered it all for me, so I'll save the repeat and plagiarizing, or the rearranging of words only.
I'm no philosopher but I do push towards philanthropy a great deal.
What curious1 has just mentioned, is of great depth and interest to me....
One of the...
Ditto. Most definitely, or your just as DIFFERENT (unmatched) as anyone else you don't get along with.
At my 15, I reckon it was closer to curious1's time, so its simply not applicable now.
I would add a little towards your question "howtothinklikegod";
Without any usage of eloquence, and its barest/simplest stating of fact...
Love (as in the real actual sense) is not a matter, but a feeling and state. (I'm not debating this-thanks)
It CANNOT be felt/known BUT when you feel it realistically.
I reckon the difference is, thinking your on the moon, to actually being there.
The views/sights of others function as the views of people/pictures you would see of the moon here.
I believe it cannot be explained to one who has not felt it either.
Only vaguely, but misconceptions will appear, in multitudes.
Love is NOT formal but informal, with formality inherently combined.
Its not absolute but relative consciously, while being absolute unconsciously when IN love.
Its IMMENSE trust/magnetism to share/involve/take part/enjoy/be with someone else.
Its why, IF real, and a heart break occurs, drastic reactions are very normal.
Btw, real love is mutual freedom, mutual respect/comfort, security and safety, if your wondering otherwise.
Culturally, I've seen how "love" differs hugely. And the cultural setting/environment plays a huge part in this too, especially with expectations from each other (to look for).
Anyone reading this site, I believe is mentally wise enough (apart from a few) to distinguish between "craving/need" for physical attraction/sex, or want/need for someone for/in love.
Difference between heaven 'n' hell, IF you can aliken them as such.
But often youngsters will be "2confused" about this, and ladies pay more attention to the feelings than most "hot" blooded guys. Maybe guys need meditation.
When some/I gives you the view of "I like this, and I like that", those are just personal tastes/likes, suited to ones opinions/feelings while doing something and their methodology. You will have your own, and they develop by time, and I do agree, when older, one will be more accurately "knowledgeable" about the world, surroundings, life, and oneself. Thus suitable for trekking this avenue (looking at the single mothers rise/teen pregnancies and impulse relationships).
Another aspect I believe strongly is, you get depending on the methodology/route you employ.
BUT I do believe, to ONLY want friendship initially, and stay clear with some bond that you hope for "long term" based on GOOD fundamentals such as honesty/care/mutual justice/give 'n' take etc, is exactly what ensures the right factors to play out, which would determine a "long term" HEALTHY relationship, rather than sexual encounters/voyeurs and abuse of one another, usually the woman.
Its true... emotions can be overwhelming when initially experienced.
And dealing with & mentoring highschool/college pupils for long, I believe its with women and teen ladies that this a a major issue.
They somehow reason themselves to believe (they stress over it more than guys on average), "why cant I have a bf", and throw themselves on the line, settle for dirt, just to fulfill this want or conform...
....with often those pre-determined to suffer emotional abuse, if not another form.
However, the crowd and principles of someone are a one determining factor....
I was trading on an online auto forum a little while ago, off-topic guys (mostly college/Uni from US/UK/Australia/Canada) raised the issue;
"why can you never find a good woman, previously without soooo many men, not already taken, or simply not after sexual fulfillment/money/respect/name but relationship/love"?
The answers were unanimous, paraphrased; "we dont know, we hate it, and b/cus of this, we we want to do the same thing, if they can." (over 2000 replies)
I wasn't surprised.
But of course, the women (yes they were there) argued, "we only do this b/cus you do."
A paradox..BUT I reckon guys started this whole thing, as when growing up, I witnessed in Cali/US.
The biggest influence/detriment to youngsters I believe is (and for some reason its too difficult for most to let go/change but with time/knowledge), that they follow their heart no matter what/listen to others too much, & worry about their opinions. Often those that misguide.
Come to my age, and you cannot be bothered nor does it affect one what anyone else thinks/says, UNLESS theyre right/justified with good evidence.
I DO hope many times, that parents were "closer" and more of FRIENDS with their children than otherwise, which would alleviate too many problems youngsters travel through, and its ends up damaging them, due to lack of support (all ways), confusion, misguidance, and maybe ignorance of right/wrong, realistic short/long term consequences, and choices available.
Where it comes to ladies, its the mothers exemplified/major responsibility (primary caregiver & gender similarity), which is needed to employ this trait, and not treat their daughters condescendingly in any way, LISTEN to them and realise their age/factors/environment and societal image/happenings/mentalities and HELP them through.
Ive swayed much too far.
What do I believe, most youngsters follow/believe...SOCIETY/peers
In most ways, even though we've heard this again and again, it doesn't get made good use of. Give it time, like anything else, and dont dive in waters thinking theyre small, clean or deep, wrongly assuming, is what I would say to anyone in this matter.
Hope it helps with "something" at least
Thanks.
Blimin, I reckon Steveo/555Joshua/curious1 have covered it all for me, so I'll save the repeat and plagiarizing, or the rearranging of words only.
I'm no philosopher but I do push towards philanthropy a great deal.
What curious1 has just mentioned, is of great depth and interest to me....
One of the...
QUOTE
most important thing about enduring love... he HAS to match your sense of morality and loyalty.
Ditto. Most definitely, or your just as DIFFERENT (unmatched) as anyone else you don't get along with.
At my 15, I reckon it was closer to curious1's time, so its simply not applicable now.
I would add a little towards your question "howtothinklikegod";
Without any usage of eloquence, and its barest/simplest stating of fact...
Love (as in the real actual sense) is not a matter, but a feeling and state. (I'm not debating this-thanks)
It CANNOT be felt/known BUT when you feel it realistically.
I reckon the difference is, thinking your on the moon, to actually being there.
The views/sights of others function as the views of people/pictures you would see of the moon here.
I believe it cannot be explained to one who has not felt it either.
Only vaguely, but misconceptions will appear, in multitudes.
Love is NOT formal but informal, with formality inherently combined.
Its not absolute but relative consciously, while being absolute unconsciously when IN love.
Its IMMENSE trust/magnetism to share/involve/take part/enjoy/be with someone else.
Its why, IF real, and a heart break occurs, drastic reactions are very normal.
Btw, real love is mutual freedom, mutual respect/comfort, security and safety, if your wondering otherwise.
Culturally, I've seen how "love" differs hugely. And the cultural setting/environment plays a huge part in this too, especially with expectations from each other (to look for).
Anyone reading this site, I believe is mentally wise enough (apart from a few) to distinguish between "craving/need" for physical attraction/sex, or want/need for someone for/in love.
Difference between heaven 'n' hell, IF you can aliken them as such.
But often youngsters will be "2confused" about this, and ladies pay more attention to the feelings than most "hot" blooded guys. Maybe guys need meditation.
When some/I gives you the view of "I like this, and I like that", those are just personal tastes/likes, suited to ones opinions/feelings while doing something and their methodology. You will have your own, and they develop by time, and I do agree, when older, one will be more accurately "knowledgeable" about the world, surroundings, life, and oneself. Thus suitable for trekking this avenue (looking at the single mothers rise/teen pregnancies and impulse relationships).
Another aspect I believe strongly is, you get depending on the methodology/route you employ.
BUT I do believe, to ONLY want friendship initially, and stay clear with some bond that you hope for "long term" based on GOOD fundamentals such as honesty/care/mutual justice/give 'n' take etc, is exactly what ensures the right factors to play out, which would determine a "long term" HEALTHY relationship, rather than sexual encounters/voyeurs and abuse of one another, usually the woman.
Its true... emotions can be overwhelming when initially experienced.
And dealing with & mentoring highschool/college pupils for long, I believe its with women and teen ladies that this a a major issue.
They somehow reason themselves to believe (they stress over it more than guys on average), "why cant I have a bf", and throw themselves on the line, settle for dirt, just to fulfill this want or conform...
....with often those pre-determined to suffer emotional abuse, if not another form.
However, the crowd and principles of someone are a one determining factor....
I was trading on an online auto forum a little while ago, off-topic guys (mostly college/Uni from US/UK/Australia/Canada) raised the issue;
"why can you never find a good woman, previously without soooo many men, not already taken, or simply not after sexual fulfillment/money/respect/name but relationship/love"?
The answers were unanimous, paraphrased; "we dont know, we hate it, and b/cus of this, we we want to do the same thing, if they can." (over 2000 replies)
I wasn't surprised.
But of course, the women (yes they were there) argued, "we only do this b/cus you do."
A paradox..BUT I reckon guys started this whole thing, as when growing up, I witnessed in Cali/US.
The biggest influence/detriment to youngsters I believe is (and for some reason its too difficult for most to let go/change but with time/knowledge), that they follow their heart no matter what/listen to others too much, & worry about their opinions. Often those that misguide.
Come to my age, and you cannot be bothered nor does it affect one what anyone else thinks/says, UNLESS theyre right/justified with good evidence.
I DO hope many times, that parents were "closer" and more of FRIENDS with their children than otherwise, which would alleviate too many problems youngsters travel through, and its ends up damaging them, due to lack of support (all ways), confusion, misguidance, and maybe ignorance of right/wrong, realistic short/long term consequences, and choices available.
Where it comes to ladies, its the mothers exemplified/major responsibility (primary caregiver & gender similarity), which is needed to employ this trait, and not treat their daughters condescendingly in any way, LISTEN to them and realise their age/factors/environment and societal image/happenings/mentalities and HELP them through.
Ive swayed much too far.
What do I believe, most youngsters follow/believe...SOCIETY/peers
In most ways, even though we've heard this again and again, it doesn't get made good use of. Give it time, like anything else, and dont dive in waters thinking theyre small, clean or deep, wrongly assuming, is what I would say to anyone in this matter.
Hope it helps with "something" at least
Thanks.
QUOTE (howtothinklikegod+Aug 11 2006, 09:00 AM)
Here is a challenge:: HOW DO YOU GUYS, DEFINE LOVE????
Love is the desire to have, to hold, in sickness and in health, and never part. Love is the desire to give up one's own life to save the other person's. Love means doing just about everything you're against to keep them alive. Because I have never been in love I cannot further define it.
No, lust is of much shorter duration, and it can be 'sated'. Um... since I can't think of a more delicate way to put it, think of prostitutes. Surely you've seen women or photos of women in your life that have made you wish you could have sex with them? But that woman doesn't become an obsession, and you already know that there's nothing else going on but that desire.
Love, the hormonal type, can't be sated. That is, you cannot get enough til it's run it's course. If she tells you you're a slob, you will make an effort to clean up after yourself:P. You would not tell her where to shove it as you would a friend, nor would you think to. At least til the hormonal love stage has gone away and you have settled into the comfortable familiar love stage. Then you're yelling right back.
This is true for women as well as men. All of a sudden, a career woman wants to cook gourmet meals for her man. This lasts all of a few months at best tho.
And, lust has the same effect on women too, tho women tend to act on that urge far less frequently than men do, and are far less likely to admit to anyone but her girlfriends her lusts, but women definitely do too.
Consider the popularity of porn. Why? You can't have any of those women in the magazines. Or topless places... you can't touch the women there (or at least I don't think you can). WHY do people go? They're not going to get satisfied.
Lust is about fantasy, not reality. Hormonal love is about reality. One smile and you are over the moon... time has stood still. That special person's happiness compounds your happiness by 1000%. Their misery makes you miserable. The object of your love can make or break your day with a word. People you lust for do not evoke this kind of empathetic emotion.
And when you think about it, you absolutely know the difference:).
Love is the desire to have, to hold, in sickness and in health, and never part. Love is the desire to give up one's own life to save the other person's. Love means doing just about everything you're against to keep them alive. Because I have never been in love I cannot further define it.
QUOTE (curious1+)
I already answered this, I think there's 2 different kinds of love. The physical heart thumping actually painful kind of yearning love, which involves physical interaction, and the regular, comfortable, familar kind we feel for those people we simply enjoy being around and care deeply about, but would not desire any physical interactions with (parents, kids, relatives, pets, friends).
Correct me if I'm wrong but, isn't that lust?
Correct me if I'm wrong but, isn't that lust?
HTTLG
My advice is STAY AWAY from ANYONE who puts a lot of SLASHES between Words/Phrases/Sayings or for just any Reason/Time/Cause.
It shows they are delusional/paranoid/nuts.
Just a Hint/Warning/Advice.
Arthur
My advice is STAY AWAY from ANYONE who puts a lot of SLASHES between Words/Phrases/Sayings or for just any Reason/Time/Cause.
It shows they are delusional/paranoid/nuts.
Just a Hint/Warning/Advice.
Arthur
^
RC wont be too happy.
OR elitist, minformationist, slanderers like THOSE using CAPITALS every OTHER word.
Just a HINT.
RC wont be too happy.
OR elitist, minformationist, slanderers like THOSE using CAPITALS every OTHER word.
Just a HINT.
QUOTE
Correct me if I'm wrong but, isn't that lust?
No, lust is of much shorter duration, and it can be 'sated'. Um... since I can't think of a more delicate way to put it, think of prostitutes. Surely you've seen women or photos of women in your life that have made you wish you could have sex with them? But that woman doesn't become an obsession, and you already know that there's nothing else going on but that desire.
Love, the hormonal type, can't be sated. That is, you cannot get enough til it's run it's course. If she tells you you're a slob, you will make an effort to clean up after yourself:P. You would not tell her where to shove it as you would a friend, nor would you think to. At least til the hormonal love stage has gone away and you have settled into the comfortable familiar love stage. Then you're yelling right back.
This is true for women as well as men. All of a sudden, a career woman wants to cook gourmet meals for her man. This lasts all of a few months at best tho.
And, lust has the same effect on women too, tho women tend to act on that urge far less frequently than men do, and are far less likely to admit to anyone but her girlfriends her lusts, but women definitely do too.
Consider the popularity of porn. Why? You can't have any of those women in the magazines. Or topless places... you can't touch the women there (or at least I don't think you can). WHY do people go? They're not going to get satisfied.
Lust is about fantasy, not reality. Hormonal love is about reality. One smile and you are over the moon... time has stood still. That special person's happiness compounds your happiness by 1000%. Their misery makes you miserable. The object of your love can make or break your day with a word. People you lust for do not evoke this kind of empathetic emotion.
And when you think about it, you absolutely know the difference:).
MEN. They go searching for a girlfriend, but what they always find is a mother...
Now, who will admit to their own confusion?
WOMEN. When they go searching for a potential mate for life, what they always find is a man who is looking for a girlfriend...
Now, who is confused?
WE ALL ARE!!
k.
Now, who will admit to their own confusion?
WOMEN. When they go searching for a potential mate for life, what they always find is a man who is looking for a girlfriend...
Now, who is confused?
WE ALL ARE!!
k.
QUOTE (curious1+Aug 13 2006, 02:43 AM)
No, lust is of much shorter duration, and it can be 'sated'. Um... since I can't think of a more delicate way to put it, think of prostitutes. Surely you've seen women or photos of women in your life that have made you wish you could have sex with them? But that woman doesn't become an obsession, and you already know that there's nothing else going on but that desire.
I don't want this debate to get too heated but I don't exactly agree with you.
I would hardly call that lust. My dictionary calls "lust" a "bodily appetite; esp., excessive sexual desire 2. overmastering desire [a lust for power] —vi. to feel an intense desire
No where in this definition does it say how long intense desire must be in order to be lust (though I'd hardly call the desire to have sex with a prostitute or anyone else anything more than longing unless one wants that specific prostitute or person).
I don't want this debate to get too heated but I don't exactly agree with you.
I would hardly call that lust. My dictionary calls "lust" a "bodily appetite; esp., excessive sexual desire 2. overmastering desire [a lust for power] —vi. to feel an intense desire
No where in this definition does it say how long intense desire must be in order to be lust (though I'd hardly call the desire to have sex with a prostitute or anyone else anything more than longing unless one wants that specific prostitute or person).
QUOTE (same+)
Love, the hormonal type, can't be sated. That is, you cannot get enough til it's run it's course. If she tells you you're a slob, you will make an effort to clean up after yourself 
.
That doesn't sound like lust, nor does it sound like love.
.That doesn't sound like lust, nor does it sound like love.
QUOTE (same+)
You would not tell her where to shove it as you would a friend, nor would you think to. At least til the hormonal love stage has gone away and you have settled into the comfortable familiar love stage. Then you're yelling right back.
That's how you love your husband? If you are in love with a person would you really yell at them over some stupid clothes?
That's how you love your husband?
If you are in love with a person would you really yell at them over some stupid clothes?QUOTE (curios1+)
This is true for women as well as men. All of a sudden, a career woman wants to cook gourmet meals for her man. This lasts all of a few months at best tho.
I would hardly call it love, though.
I would hardly call it love, though.
QUOTE (same+)
And, lust has the same effect on women too, tho women tend to act on that urge far less frequently than men do, and are far less likely to admit to anyone but her girlfriends her lusts, but women definitely do too.
I think women are that way because they don't have much to lust over.
I think women are that way because they don't have much to lust over.
QUOTE (same+)
Consider the popularity of porn. Why? You can't have any of those women in the magazines. Or topless places... you can't touch the women there (or at least I don't think you can). WHY do people go? They're not going to get satisfied.
I'm guessing you've never gone. It's because they enjoy what the see. They don't need to touch it or have it, they still like it.
I'm guessing you've never gone. It's because they enjoy what the see. They don't need to touch it or have it, they still like it.
QUOTE (curious1+)
Lust is about fantasy, not reality.
I don't think so. Lust can keep to people in a relationship until one or both become bored with it. Lust is sexual desire with one another. Lust will get old once the sex gets old.
I don't think so. Lust can keep to people in a relationship until one or both become bored with it. Lust is sexual desire with one another. Lust will get old once the sex gets old.
QUOTE (same+)
Hormonal love is about reality. One smile and you are over the moon... time has stood still. That special person's happiness compounds your happiness by 1000%. Their misery makes you miserable. The object of your love can make or break your day with a word. People you lust for do not evoke this kind of empathetic emotion.
Well, no. But "hormonal love" hardly fits the "love" definition. I'd say, based on its short term occurrences and its link to desire and hormones that it's more like lust than it is like love.
Well, no. But "hormonal love" hardly fits the "love" definition. I'd say, based on its short term occurrences and its link to desire and hormones that it's more like lust than it is like love.
QUOTE (Knot of this world+)
MEN. They go searching for a girlfriend, but what they always find is a mother...
I beg to differ. I already have a mother. I don't need another one.
That sounds kind of creepy! Are you a wedding crasher? Going to weddings to pick up the girls there? Or are you a funeral crasher? Boy I hope you watched that movie, or else that won't make much sense
I beg to differ.
I already have a mother. I don't need another one.QUOTE (same+)
WOMEN. When they go searching for a potential mate for life, what they always find is a man who is looking for a girlfriend...
Would you prefer a guy who wants you to be his girlfriend or a guy who walks up to you and askes you to marry him?
Would you prefer a guy who wants you to be his girlfriend or a guy who walks up to you and askes you to marry him?
QUOTE (steveo+)
Another important thing is being able to be yourself. I know Josh thought this was gross before, but something like being able to fart and burp around your partner is important. And in a marriage you live together.......eventually the real person comes out, but its good to get that out...
Sounds(and smells) like more than just "the real person" is "coming out".
Rather than offer any definitions on "love", I simply want to say "Welcome back" to howtothinklikegod.
Take care.
Sounds(and smells) like more than just "the real person" is "coming out".
Rather than offer any definitions on "love", I simply want to say "Welcome back" to howtothinklikegod.
Take care.
Curious one, I also disagree with your definition of lust. I have been with my girlfriend for over 2 years. I definately love her! But its been over 2 years and I still lust after her also. Sexual gratification isn't quite the same as lust. A biological urge to copulate can happen for any reason. Erotic photos, a real person, a dream, a day dream, or, for teenagers, for seemingly no reason at all. But as bang4thebuck said, you really don't know much about love until you have been in love. And I have found you sometimes think your in love, and later after introspection realize you weren't inlove after all.
That sounds eerily similar to the wedding vows I heard my friend say on saturday. Josh, have you been to any weddings recently?
QUOTE
Love is the desire to have, to hold, in sickness and in health, and never part. Love is the desire to give up one's own life to save the other person's. Love means doing just about everything you're against to keep them alive. Because I have never been in love I cannot further define it.
That sounds eerily similar to the wedding vows I heard my friend say on saturday. Josh, have you been to any weddings recently?
Yeah, but the bride and groom didn't know. 
QUOTE
Yeah, but the bride and groom didn't know.
That sounds kind of creepy! Are you a wedding crasher? Going to weddings to pick up the girls there? Or are you a funeral crasher? Boy I hope you watched that movie, or else that won't make much sense
I sneaked in to feel up Jesus when I realized someone was getting married. Of course if either the bride or groom saw me they'd beat the crap out of me--for feeling up their Jesus statue--so I stayed in the corner. After the wedding I grabbed two bride's maids and had some fun--until I realized neither one was female.
Josh,
Then it's either the man will let go or he will fight for his love and wait...
Thta's just it. It's a matter of choice..
Then it's either the man will let go or he will fight for his love and wait...
Thta's just it. It's a matter of choice..
It was just a joke.
I am not joking!!!!
That's definitely not me....
That's definitely not me....
Yes. Two people who have nothing in common can not stay in love.
What?? Don't you know that opposites attract each other more???
Because if it hurts, then it's real...
Because if it hurts, then it's real...
Love is the desire to have, to hold, in sickness and in health, and never part. Love is the desire to give up one's own life to save the other person's. Love means doing just about everything you're against to keep them alive. Because I have never been in love I cannot further define it.
So love is desire?? Then what is desire? Is it want or like? Is it a choice or a part of matters of fate???
QUOTE
Okay, suppose a guy wants to be your lover but you want to be just friends. What happens?
Then it's either the man will let go or he will fight for his love and wait...
Thta's just it. It's a matter of choice..
QUOTE (->
| QUOTE |
| Okay, suppose a guy wants to be your lover but you want to be just friends. What happens? |
Then it's either the man will let go or he will fight for his love and wait...
Thta's just it. It's a matter of choice..
It was just a joke.
I am not joking!!!!
QUOTE
Party hard! Don't run over anybody!!!
That's definitely not me....
QUOTE (->
| QUOTE |
| Party hard! Don't run over anybody!!! |
That's definitely not me....
Yes. Two people who have nothing in common can not stay in love.
What?? Don't you know that opposites attract each other more???
QUOTE
You don't know until your heart's broken.
Because if it hurts, then it's real...
QUOTE (->
| QUOTE |
| You don't know until your heart's broken. |
Because if it hurts, then it's real...
Love is the desire to have, to hold, in sickness and in health, and never part. Love is the desire to give up one's own life to save the other person's. Love means doing just about everything you're against to keep them alive. Because I have never been in love I cannot further define it.
So love is desire?? Then what is desire? Is it want or like? Is it a choice or a part of matters of fate???
C1,
Believe it or not, two people don't have to be the same for them to be able to accept and love each other. All people are different. But it's wonderful how despite of that difference, we know how to understand each other.
Bang4thebuck
Believe it or not, two people don't have to be the same for them to be able to accept and love each other. All people are different. But it's wonderful how despite of that difference, we know how to understand each other.
Bang4thebuck
Love (as in the real actual sense) is not a matter, but a feeling and state. (I'm not debating this-thanks)
It CANNOT be felt/known BUT when you feel it realistically.
Definitely. But how would you know what's real and what's not?
Is it innate of is it brought by experiences??
When it comes to love, do we differ in terms of gender and age? If a person is still young, does this means that he/she cannot yet know what it is to truly love? Is there a discrimination???
QUOTE
Oooh. I forgot the most important thing about enduring love... he HAS to match your sense of morality and loyalty. There's nothing more terrible in a relationship than being with someone who doesn't share the same core values.
Believe it or not, two people don't have to be the same for them to be able to accept and love each other. All people are different. But it's wonderful how despite of that difference, we know how to understand each other.
Bang4thebuck
QUOTE (->
| QUOTE |
| Oooh. I forgot the most important thing about enduring love... he HAS to match your sense of morality and loyalty. There's nothing more terrible in a relationship than being with someone who doesn't share the same core values. |
Believe it or not, two people don't have to be the same for them to be able to accept and love each other. All people are different. But it's wonderful how despite of that difference, we know how to understand each other.
Bang4thebuck
Love (as in the real actual sense) is not a matter, but a feeling and state. (I'm not debating this-thanks)
It CANNOT be felt/known BUT when you feel it realistically.
Definitely. But how would you know what's real and what's not?
QUOTE
believe it cannot be explained to one who has not felt it either.
Is it innate of is it brought by experiences??
When it comes to love, do we differ in terms of gender and age? If a person is still young, does this means that he/she cannot yet know what it is to truly love? Is there a discrimination???
QUOTE (howtothinklikegod+Aug 18 2006, 12:34 AM)
What?? Don't you know that opposites attract each other more???
How funny. If the two people have nothing in common they won't have anything to do together. That is bad because while they're not doing anything together one or both is doing something with someone else. And I'm talking about their opposite sex.
How funny. If the two people have nothing in common they won't have anything to do together. That is bad because while they're not doing anything together one or both is doing something with someone else. And I'm talking about their opposite sex.
QUOTE (same+)
Because if it hurts, then it's real...
Well yeah, it's real, but it isn't true.
This can be the case, but people don't have to have much in common. It makes for more interesting conversations. When people can discuss different ideas, its very interesting. I could not be with someone with to much in common with me, because it would be boring. With someone with many differences when you do stuff together its usually stuff that one person likes, so you get to share something that means a lot to you with the other person. You will eventually have more things in common than you did at the beginning.
This can be the case, but people don't have to have much in common. It makes for more interesting conversations. When people can discuss different ideas, its very interesting. I could not be with someone with to much in common with me, because it would be boring. With someone with many differences when you do stuff together its usually stuff that one person likes, so you get to share something that means a lot to you with the other person. You will eventually have more things in common than you did at the beginning.
Believe it or not, two people don't have to be the same for
Well yeah, it's real, but it isn't true.
QUOTE (same+)
So love is desire?? Then what is desire? Is it want or like? Is it a choice or a part of matters of fate???
Desire is a need.
Desire is a need.
QUOTE
How funny. If the two people have nothing in common they won't have anything to do together. That is bad because while they're not doing anything together one or both is doing something with someone else. And I'm talking about their opposite sex.
This can be the case, but people don't have to have much in common. It makes for more interesting conversations. When people can discuss different ideas, its very interesting. I could not be with someone with to much in common with me, because it would be boring. With someone with many differences when you do stuff together its usually stuff that one person likes, so you get to share something that means a lot to you with the other person. You will eventually have more things in common than you did at the beginning.
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| How funny. If the two people have nothing in common they won't have anything to do together. That is bad because while they're not doing anything together one or both is doing something with someone else. And I'm talking about their opposite sex. |
This can be the case, but people don't have to have much in common. It makes for more interesting conversations. When people can discuss different ideas, its very interesting. I could not be with someone with to much in common with me, because it would be boring. With someone with many differences when you do stuff together its usually stuff that one person likes, so you get to share something that means a lot to you with the other person. You will eventually have more things in common than you did at the beginning.
Believe it or not, two people don't have to be the same for