Oh! And if only you had a fair fraction of the size of your horse?

Several members have said that I should be bloody well hung.

No hang on they said I should be lynched

Can't think of anything funny...lynched...how terrible! Maybe they meant pinched! You let me know if your ever in the area!

A group of anthropologists were working in a remote area of the Brazillian rain forest when they came upon a here-to-fore unknown tribe. Thrilled with this discovery, they stayed with the tribe for several months, getting to know them, their rituals, their diet (interestingly involving large amounts of honey), their technology, and so forth. Near the end of their stay, the researchers were surprised early one morning with a commotion coming from a large plot next to the village. Evidentially the tribe was practicing some new ritual. On going to record the activities, the scientists were somewhat surprised at seeing all of the young women of the village, undraped but painted all in blue, dancing around the hives situated there. When the head of the team asked the tribal leader what was the purpose of this ritual, the chief responded that this was the festival of the dye virgins of the bee field.

And i liked this one too (yeaah i know a dirty mind :)
by LambchopofGod

Years ago I took a course on complex geometry for physicists. The physicist teaching the course had more and more difficulty saying “bisectional curvature”. We soon realised the nature of his problem. When he knew that we knew, he said: “**** it! It’ll be the bisexual curvature from now on!!!”

And this will strike a accord :)

So an engineer, physicist, and mathematician are staying in a motel.
Late that night, a fire breaks out in the engineer’s room. He luckily wakes up, sees the fire, and dumps water on it until it’s out. Disaster averted, he returns to bed.

Later that night, a fire breaks out in the physicist’s room. He luckily wakes up, sees the fire, calculates how much water he’ll need, and puts just enough water on it that it goes out. Disaster averted, he returns to bed.

Later still, a fire breaks out in the mathematician’s room. He wakes up, sees the fire, exclaims, “There exists a solution!” and returns to bed.



And this one about Feynman, he's one of the grounders of chaos math and so cool.

It’s not exactly a joke, but Feynman told a story about going to a conference in a town with two universities. He was arriving a day late, and when he got there, he couldn’t remember which university was hosting the conference. So he hopped into a cab and said to the driver something like, “Yesterday you probably gave a ride to a bunch of old guys who were oblivious to everything around them, but were talking a strange language to each other that sounded like ‘G-mu-nu! G-mu-nu!’ I need to go where they went.” “Oh yeah,” says the cab driver, and takes him right to the conference. Smart guy, that Feynman.

And that's the last :) Promise..

Sh** One should never promise..

This is about the theorist who is hired by the American Dairy Council to help optimize their milk production (because, you know, physicists are smart).

She goes around to the pastures, to the milking stations, looks at the scaling of the distribution networks (definitely not scale-free), etc. After months, she has a presentation prepared. The auditorium is packed. She puts up her first slide and says “First, assume a spherical cow….

Something ON topic! Hurray!

One day in class, Richard Feynman was talking about angular momentum. He described rotation matrices and mentioned that they did not commute. He said that Sir William Hamilton discovered noncommutivity one night when he was taking a walk in his garden with Lady Hamilton. As they sat down on a bench, there was a moment of passion. It was then that he discovered that AB did not equal BA.


A student recognizes Einstein in a train and asks: Excuse me, professor, but does New York stop by this train?

Why did the chicken cross the road? Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends on your frame of reference.

A Princeton plasma physicist is at the beach when he discovers an ancient looking oil lantern sticking out of the sand. He rubs the sand off with a towel and a genie pops out. The genie offers to grant him one wish. The physicist retrieves a map of the world from his car an circles the Middle East and tells the genie, "I wish you to bring peace in this region".

After 10 long minutes of deliberation, the genie replies, "Gee, there are lots of problems there with Lebanon, Iraq, Israel, and all those other places. This is awfully embarrassing. I've never had to do this before, but I'm just going to have to ask you for another wish. This one is just too much for me".

Taken aback, the physicist thinks a bit and asks, "I wish that the Princeton tokamak would achieve scientific fusion energy break-even."

After another deliberation the genie asks, "Could I see that map again?"



(I did a search)

Q: What's the name of the guy with a one inch willy?












A: Justin.

Londons MI7 is currently interviewing Patrick Kilmartin and Martin kilpatrick after a tip of that they tying to coordinate an Irish death squad.

Scotlandyard swooped swifly to counter the possible threat to national security because Patrick Martin the head of Scotlandyards MI7 felt he was in an humourous no win position.

A beautiful redhead goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, everywhere I touch on my body it hurts" Doctor says, "Show me."
The red head touches her arm says "Ouch!"
Then she touches her leg and says "Ouch"
Touches her head, again says "ouch"
The doctor reaches over and touches her head and says,"Does that hurt?"
"No", she says
You're not a real redhead are you?
"No, I'm a blonde, How did you know?"
The doctor replied, "You broke your finger"

Soultechs That was poetic.
Nice thread :)

btw: oracle1 and fivedoughnut, very obliged :)