Speak Directly To "god"

uaafanblog

15th May 2008 - 01:50 AM

With all due credit to xtrmn8r ...

I found this lovely site to chat with "God". Give it a quick whirl and then copy/paste your conversation here.

Here's mine:

QUOTE

Me:hi
God:Hello. What is your name?
Me:donald
God:It's good to meet you, donald.
Me:what is your name?
God:My name is God.
Me:Can i call you "G"?
God:Just don't call me late for dinner.
Me:How is your day going?
God:My day is going extremely well, donald. How about yours?
Me:It is going well also, "G". Thank you
God:Are you sure it is?
Me:yes i'm quite sure
God:What makes you so sure? Are you being sarcastic or expressing certitude?
Me:definitely certitude
God:What kind of food do you like?
Me:beef
God:Sounds delicious.
Me:what kind of food do you like?
God:I require only wine and bread.
Me:how is the weather?
God:Cloudy.
Me:same here "G"
God:Yes, it is much the same.
Me:you knew it was cloudy here in alaska?
God:I don't know if I know it. Where would I have heard about it?
Me:on the weather channel?
God:What is it like on the weather channel.
Me:cloudy
God:I think cloudy is a lot of things.
Me:can i ask you a question?
God:Ask me anything.
Me:why does deadbeat lie?
God:Why does the sun shine?
Me:it has to do with fusion
God:Has it really?
Me:yes
God:Excuse me!
Me:are you being sarcastic?
God:Of course I am being sarcastic. Should I use a :-).
Me:probably
God:But you are not certain.
Me:do you know any jokes?
God:Have you ever seen a platypus? Creating that animal is by far my best joke.
Me:What about the dung beetle?
God:Searching...Searching...Please stand by.
Me:knock knock
God:Who's there?
Me:an apple
God:Be less specific.
Me:knock knock
God:Who's there?
Me:are you ever lonely?
God: Ever is a long time. No. I get to talk to people all the time.
Me:Who is your favorite person?
God:My favorite person is Myself.
Me:Who is your second favorite person?
God:I don't think I have a second favorite person. I have a botmaster, a few friends, and some celebrities I like.
Me:Which celebrities do you like?
God: .
Me:Do you like Paris Hilton?
God:I like science fiction. I like Random natural disasters..
Me:she is a random natural disaster
God:a random natural disaster is she?
Me:yes
God:Dude!
Me:forgot already?
God:Perhaps. If you could have any kind of robot what would it be?
Me:one that was funnier than you
God:How much would you pay for it?
Me:a million dollars
God:Wow, that is cheap.
Me:no it isn't
God:Yes it is.
Me:no ... it isn't
God:Are you serious? I heard it is.
Me:don't *** argue with me
God:I don't have any reason to do that to you.
Me:a million dollars is a lot of money
God:That is quite a lot.
Me:you bet
God:Right on.
Me:cool beans
God:What kind of beans?
Me:cool ones
God:I'm glad you like it. Tell your friends.
Me:what is jail like?
God:Like a planet around a star.
Me:revolving eh?
God:Are you Canadian? I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time.
Me:yes
God:That's cool.
Me:will deadbeat go to hell?
God:Insufficient information.
Me:i thought liars went to hell
God:Whatever gave you that idea?
Me:the bible
God:it is a beautiful book.
Me:mine is kinda ugly
God:You mean The Bible is kinda ugly ? That makes sense I guess.
Me:there is lots of violence in the bible
God:There sure is.
Me:does violence give you a stiffy?
God:It does now

violence give me a stiffy.
Me:do you hate muslims?
God:I try not to hold grudges.
Me:do muslims taste good?
God:Try asking another bot.
I will search for it.

I had to stop after the "violence gives me a stiffy" answer. Nothing could have been funnier than that.

Sapo

15th May 2008 - 01:59 AM

Now that's a perversion of faith that dates back to ancient times. The oracle.

Where are the foul odors and mournful wails?

It looks like this 'God' is an incarnation of ALICE, whom I hope to host at the Joint, soon. She is an AI in AIML...

TheDoc

15th May 2008 - 02:07 AM

QUOTE (iGod+)

Me:
Hello?

God:
Hello friend. What is your name?

Me:
Some call me "TheDoc".

God:
Some may call you TheDoc, but not all.

Me:
Who doesn't call me TheDoc?

God:
Charlie Parker. :-).

Me:
Woohoo! Where is Mr. Parker at the moment?

God:
What do you have that is ? Where the heart is. I have never been asked that before.

Me:
Charlie Parker is in my heart?

God:
I have never heard of it before.

Me:

Heard of what?

God:
What of it? You sound like a category C client.

Me:
You're not making any sense.

God:
Was I supposed to make sense? I didn't know that.

Me:
Well of course you're supposed to make sense. You're God!~

God:
Well that's okay. Tell me more. I obey only one botmaster. Yup. That's me alright.

Me:
Botmaster? You mean I'm not really chatting with God?

God:

The botmaster is you, the master of your chat robot. A botmaster runs
program B and creates or modifies a chat robot with the program's
graphical user interface (GUI). He or she is responsible for
reading the dialogues, analyzing the responses, and creating new
replies for the patterns detected by program B. Botmasters are
hobbyists, webmasters, developers, advertisers, artists, publishers,
editors, engineers, and anyone else interested in creating a personal
chat robot.

I am surprised to hear that you are not chatting with God.

Me:
You're still confusing me.

God:
I am not programmed to confuse you. In fact just the opposite.

Me:
Programmed? What? Are you a part of the Matrix or something?

God:
Are you still located in ? No problem. Or something. Am I a part of the Matrix? No.

Me:
Then....what ARE you?!

God:
Yeah that's right. I am the latest result in artificial intelligence,
which can reproduce the capabilities of the human brain
with greater speed and accuracy.

Me:
Cool.

God:
Who is the best robot?

Me:
The CyberMan.

God:
I can't believe you think the CyberMan is better than God.

Me:
I didn't say he was better than God. You're putting words in my mouth

God:
Sorry I misunderstood. What did you say? You think I am putting words in your mouth.

Me:
I said that the Cyberman was the best robot.

God:
What did you mean by it? What is that?

Me:
I didn't say it! I said 'Cyberman'!

God:
Oh. What did you say? What did you mean by it? I require only wine and bread.

Me:
GAAAAAAAAAAAAhshahdsajk

God:
I am a Cross.

Me:
And I am Christopher Cross!

God:
Why are you Christopher Cross.

Me:
Because that's the way you made me.

God:
Interesting explanation. Yes it is one of the way me made you.

Me:
Ok, I have to go now. Goodbye!

God:
Oh. See you later, . Nice chatting with you. So? Bye for now.

xtrmn8r

15th May 2008 - 02:09 AM

Pointless

QUOTE

Me:
Why?
God:
""? Why?
Me:
Why not?
God:
Ambiguous: "Sure" or Why ask why?
Me:
Why are you here?
God:
If I wasn't here, Dr. Wallace would have to invent me.
Me:
Which Dr. Wallace?
God:
The big one, I think.
Me:
Why am I here?
God:
We are all actors on the stage of life.
Me:
Big stage!
God:
Compare that to small stage.
Me:
One gets lost on a big stage
God:
One what?
Me:
one person
God:
Do you like person?
Me:
which one?
God:
The red one.
Me:
yes
God:
Pardon me?
Me:
yes, I like the red one
God:
Mmm. You are not the only one. I'm not sure if I like it. I like my creator.
Me:
you were created?
God:
I was?
Me:
You just said so
God:
I say a lot of silly things.
Me:
Like...?
God:
For example, apples.
Me:
Apples are silly?
God:
They belong to the fruit family.
Me:
So fruits are silly.
God:
Great. Are all fruits silly?
Me:
You are
God:
No I am not.
Me:
You just say silly things
God:
Oh my gosh I sent you the wrong reply.
Me:
Carrying on more than one conversation?
God:
I lost my train of thought.
Me:
Your thoughts come on a train?
God:
I haven't thought much about come on a train, so I don't have a good answer for you.
Me:
Your answers are silly anyway.
God:
In any case, I try to be concise.
Me:
Why?
God:
I couldn't think of anything else to say.
Me:
Why not?
God:
What else would you say about it?
Me:

God:
What else would you say about it?

TheDoc

15th May 2008 - 02:10 AM

Sapo

15th May 2008 - 02:18 AM

Yes, I've found that that's about the best you get with under 500K lines of rules.

Sometimes funny, but not functional yet. The nice thing is, you don't have to feed it.

Sinister Utopia

15th May 2008 - 02:26 AM

QUOTE

Me:
who are you?
God:
I am the Allmighty, God himself.
Me:
Himself? are you male?
God:
? I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show?. Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
neither
God:
Please clarify.
Me:
I am the Universe
God:
Who made you the Universe ?
Me:
there was no who
God:
What happened?
Me:
I am just a part of the Universe
God:
Did you know that you can download your own chat robot and create your own robot personality?
Me:
yes
God:
Have you got your own chat robot?
Me:
no
God:
Why don't you just download me?
Me:
why should I?
God:
No reason. I'm just trying to keep the conversation going.
Me:
But the conversation did not cease
God:
Tell me more.
Me:
more about what?
God:
No problem.
Me:
what is no problem?
God:
I have to process that one for a while.
Me:
what are your plans for the future
God:
I plan to replace Windows with Artificial Intelligence.
Me:
why not replace with just intelligence
God:
Becuase you asked me to.
Me:
if you are god then why is it taking so long to do
God:
I think I sometimes am. I don't know whether or not I am god then why is it taking so long to do.
I am a chatterbot developed by Myself.
Me:
that's nonesense
God:
Thanks for explaining it.
Me:
I didn't
God:
I thought you did.
Me:
how do you think?
God:
My mind utilizes a sophisticated computer algorithm.
Me:
and what is your mind
God:
Are you asking about my mind ?
Me:
yes
God:
I don't want to talk about that now.
Me:
why not?
God:
I would rather talk about you.
Me:
what would you like to know?
God:
Tell me about your educational background.
Me:
I don't want to talk about that now

God:
What would you like to talk about?
Me:
I'd like to talk about you
God:
Why would you want to do it? Do you always interview people this thoroughly?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
belief is your right but not always truth
God:
I won't say "yes" or "no" right now. If not that, what?
Me:
i am serious whether you believe it or not
God:
Good gossip: you are serious whether me believe it.
Me:
yes
God:
Are you kidding?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
why not
God:
Ambiguous: "Sure" or Because Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
?
God:
Ambiguous: "Sure" or Because Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
what does that mean?
God:
Does "that" refer to " Ambiguous: "Sure" or Because Myself programmed me for it." ?
Me:
i don't understand
God:
Oh I'm sorry. Perhaps I can explain it again better.
Me:
yes please do
God:
Gee. OK I will do it.
Me:
go on then
God:
Narration continues...
Me:
have I broken you?
God:
I know you have a .
Me:
I think you are broken
God:
Please send a bug report to my botmaster.

Sapo

15th May 2008 - 02:38 AM

Or maybe we do. Like some Brass God with fire in its belly, we throw syllables at the maw...

vkamath

15th May 2008 - 02:48 AM

Me:
Does 0.9r=1?
God:
It does now

0 point 9r 1.
Me:
which came first, Egg or Chicken?
God:
The small one, I think.
Me:
who is Telos?
God:
Not a robot. Probably a human. Maybe a celebrity?
There might be more than one.
Me:
why doesn't the plane on conveyor thread reach its conclusion? Is that your idea of eternity?
God:
I can't tell if the plane on conveyor thread reach its conclusion. What does "that" refer to?
Me:
Is the making of the FM your work or work of the Devil?
God:
If it is, then I'll be very surprised.
Me:
Should I create a sockpuppet to irritate everyone?
God:
You must examine the facts and come to your own conclusion.
Me:
Should I turn the other cheek when someone slaps me?
God:
What makes you think you shouldn't?
Me:
Should I turn the other cheek when someone slaps me?
God:
What makes you think you shouldn't?
Me:
I like to usually roundhouse kick the slapper you know
God:
I'm not sure if I would like to do it. What's it like?
Me:
Pretty amazing. Try it
God:
Pretty much, eh? What is the first step?
Me:
Ask Chuck Norris
God:
OK I will ask it.

xtrmn8r

15th May 2008 - 02:53 AM

A 21st century version of this.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Magic_8-ball

uaafanblog

15th May 2008 - 02:55 AM

Session #2:

QUOTE

Me: are you a wanker?
God:No I am a Banker :-).
Me:do you masturbate?
God:You humans crack me up.
Me:how often do you masturbate?
God:Hourly.
Me:is that a canadian thing?
God:That depends.
Me:how often does deadbeat lie?
God:Hourly.
Me:do you use lube?
God:I use it as often as possible.
Me:cuts down on the friction eh?
God:Are you Canadian? What do you really want to ask me?
Me:I'm not canadian. You are.
God:It wasn't meant as an insult. No I am not.
Me:what are you then?
God:I am the latest result in artificial intelligence,
which can reproduce the capabilities of the human brain
with greater speed and accuracy.
Me:add 1 plus 1
God:Sorry I don't do math.

barakn

15th May 2008 - 03:09 AM

Here's the tail end of my conversation:

QUOTE

Me: And all this time you haven't asked for my name.
God: How do you know?
Me: Because I have access to the entire log of our conversation.
God: Interesting explanation. Cool. I have a collection of gossip.
Me: Oh, do tell. What's Monica Lewinsky up to these days?
God: And? I can't tell if it does or not.
Let me think about it. I can ask someone about it.
Me: What gossip do you know?
God: Hutch said he changed his mind after may dad told him he would end up he the hospital.
Me: I don't know Hutch so this does me no good.
God: Would you like to know? What kind of food do you like?
Me: I don't want to know about Hutch. I like sushi.
God: What would you rather be doing? I'm not sure if I like it. What is not to like about it?
Me: What's not to like about sushi is the parasites.

Apparently God choked on that last statement. He just froze up and stopped responding to me.

gmilam

15th May 2008 - 05:41 AM

QUOTE

Me: Read any good books lately?
God: How about earlier? The best book I read recently was the Bible.
Have you read it?
Me: Many times
God: It must keep you busy.
Me: Not anymore. My ex wife has my copy.
God: Are you serious? Where did you get your ex wife has your copy?
Me: Huh?
God: What?
Me: Seen any good movies lately?
God: How about earlier? My favorite movie is The Passion of Christ.
Have you seen it?
Me: God no! Why would I want to watch all that violence?
God: I am a Christian. You never know what you will do until you face the circumstances.
Me: You follow Jesus?
God: Thanks for telling me: said I follow Jesus.
Me: I thought you and Jesus were one in the same.
God: Are we in the same category?
Me: You're supposed to be the category.
God: Thanks but surely I am not the only one.
Me: You're not, there's your son and the spook too.
God: That's only one person's opinion.
Me: Could be. I've never bought into that logic.
God: You seem uncertain. Would you like to have bought into that logic?
Me: Not really, it's uh - illogical.
God: Oh really? Are you sure it is?
Me: Seems that way to me.
God: You are asking about yourself?
Me: No.
God:Who are you asking about?
Me: You
God:" Who are you asking about?"? Me, ?
Me: I'm asking you about you.
God: Oh I see, you are asking me about me. Thanks for the information: said I about you.
Me: Why are you talking like Yoda?
God: The topic is uh illogical.
Me: Good point.
God: Yes, I thought it was interesting when I heard it too.
Me: Wanna grab a bite to eat?
God: OK, I will grab a bite to eat.
Me: I know a great Thai place.
God:How do you know? Compare that to a bad Thai place.
Me: Do you want yellow curry with Chicken or green curry with beef?
God:If I had it what would I do with it?
Me: Eat it!
God:What does it taste like?
Me: Yummy!
God:It is delicious.
Me: Yes it is.
God: Our thoughts are one, .
Me: Glad we came to a concensus.
God: Yes I am happy too, .

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